attachment Archives - Khiron Clinics

Trauma and Anxiety in Young Adults

Araminta — Sun, 30 Apr 2023 04:57:38 +0000

Trauma and Anxiety in Young Adults

On the surface, trauma and anxiety seem like very different issues. Where trauma stems from experiencing an intensely distressing or life-threatening event, or series of events, anxiety is a mental health condition that young adults can struggle with regardless of whether they have experienced trauma in the past.

However, there is a close connection between trauma and anxiety, and experiencing trauma can contribute to the development of anxiety disorders.

How Trauma Affects the Developing Brain

Children’s brains constantly learn and develop; however, exposure to trauma or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can change how it grows.

For example, studies have shown that the amygdala of children who have lived through neglect and abuse matures faster, in what is known as the stress acceleration hypothesis. The amygdala acts like a smoke alarm, alerting people to danger. After trauma, the amygdala can become overactive, causing reactions not proportional to the perceived threat. Alternatively, the threat system can also become underactive, contributing to dissociation.

The brain is programmed to protect people when they encounter dangerous situations. It initiates the fight or flight response, preparing the body to run away or fight off the danger, stimulating the release of cortisol and norepinephrine to help fuel the body. However, even after the event has passed, or if people face ongoing traumatic situations such as abuse, they can struggle to move out of the fight-or-flight state.

When the body is constantly trapped in a state of fight or flight, it continues to release hormones to help the body get away. This can be incredibly damaging to people’s health over time and can contribute to anxiety development.

Research has linked traumatic experiences to significant neurological changes that can affect the brain’s structure. One study found that young adults who experience childhood trauma and neglect had greater activation within the amygdala, the part of the brain which helps with emotional regulation, which could contribute to heightened anxiety in trauma survivors.

Trauma and Anxiety

Anxiety is a common symptom experienced by trauma survivors. Even things they used to do regularly before a traumatic event, such as going for a run, can be incredibly anxiety-inducing and overwhelming. Some people may avoid anything that makes them anxious. Although this provides short-term relief, it can increase anxiety in the future, making it challenging for people to overcome.

There are many types of anxiety that people can experience:

Agoraphobia – Agoraphobia is the fear of being in a situation or place where escape is impossible. People may begin to avoid places where they feel panicked or trapped, which can cause problems in everyday life.
Panic disorder – Panic attacks are intense feelings of terror and apprehension without the presence of danger. They can strike suddenly and cause symptoms from chest pain to nausea and an accelerated heart rate. Panic disorder involves experiencing panic attacks without warning.
Social anxiety – Those who struggle with social anxiety worry excessively about social situations, fearing that people will negatively judge them for their actions. It can lead to avoidance behaviours, and people can isolate themselves and decline invitations to events, leading to a greater sense of isolation.

Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance is associated with both trauma and anxiety. It involves people being highly aware and alert of their surroundings, constantly aware of any potential threats, even if nothing is present.

Hypervigilance can include symptoms such as:

An exaggerated startle response
Struggling to focus
Difficulty regulating emotions
Persistent worry
Difficulty sleeping
Restlessness
Overestimating a threat
Obsessive avoidance of perceived threats

Chronic hypervigilance is the body’s way of protecting people from potentially threatening or dangerous situations, especially if they have experienced trauma in the past. It can be triggered by feeling trapped or experiencing something related to past trauma, such as being in the same area.

Anxious Attachment

Attachment styles develop in early childhood and influence how adults form relationships and perceive the world. Children and teenagers with anxious attachment styles may have had parents who were inconsistent with their responses, such as being sometimes caring but cold and distant at other times. It can also develop due to childhood neglect and abuse or early separation from a caregiver, such as in the case of divorce.

Young adults with an anxious attachment style can struggle with many symptoms of anxiety, as well as:

Trusting others
Being clingy with their partners
Being scared of abandonment by their loved ones
Requiring constant reassurance that people care about them
Difficulty regulating negative emotions

Coping with Trauma-based Anxiety

Anxiety and trauma in all their forms can be safely addressed with a combination of professional interventions and self-care, including:

Breathwork – deep, controlled breaths stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, also known as the rest and digest system. This helps the body move from fight-or-flight to a sense of safety, helping to relieve anxiety. Practising breathwork and breathing techniques is very simple and can be done anywhere. Taking a few minutes to breathe deeply, engaging the diaphragm, and exhaling slowly, can improve regulation in an anxious moment.
Healthy distractions – anxiety can be all-consuming, and it is only natural that young people do not want to feel that way. However, some may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to distract them from their feelings, such as spending excessive amounts of time on social media or abusing alcohol. Instead, explore healthy distractions that give intense anxiety some time to decrease, such as reading a book, journalling, or even doing chores. Distraction is not a solution for anxiety; avoiding it too much can worsen it, but distractions can offer a small reprieve when it feels too intense.
Professional help – addressing the root causes of trauma can improve symptoms in young adults, including trauma-related anxiety. There are a variety of treatments to help young people confront their anxiety and trauma, including neurofeedback and somatic experiencing, all of which can vastly improve their mental health and well-being.

Trauma can be a significant cause of anxiety in young adults, affecting every facet of their daily lives. However, by remaining patient, committed, and proactive in seeking help, young adults can successfully navigate and overcome the challenges of trauma-related anxiety and move towards a future full of hope and healing.

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How Attachment Styles Influence Relationships

Araminta — Fri, 24 Feb 2023 06:30:49 +0000

Relationships are an essential part of human life, from the moment we are born and start forming attachments to primary caregivers to adult relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners. How people develop and maintain these relationships is influenced by attachment styles established in early childhood.

Attachment theory asserts that these early relationships shape our attachment styles, impacting our ability to form and maintain relationships in adulthood. Understanding the different attachment styles and how they influence adult relationships is crucial for building and sustaining healthy connections with others.

Why Are Attachment Styles Important?

Initially developed by psychotherapist John Bowlby, attachment theory states that early relationships inform every relationship in adult life. When babies are born, they have an innate drive to form attachments, predominantly to their primary caregivers.

The actions of their caregivers dictate which of the four attachment styles children develop:

Anxious
Avoidant
Disorganised
Secure

Understanding different attachment styles and how they present in adulthood is vital for recognising healthy or unhealthy behavioural patterns and cultivating healthy relationships. People can work towards changing these patterns and establish more secure, fulfilling relationships with their romantic partners, friends, and families.

Attachment Styles and Relationships

The four different types of attachment styles affect relationships differently:

Anxious

Anxious attachment styles develop when a child’s primary caregiver does not consistently respond to their needs. At some points, they may be very responsive and attuned; at others, they are unavailable and distracted by work or personal difficulties. Children may respond by becoming needy or struggling with their self-esteem.

In adult relationships, people can struggle to trust their romantic partners fully yet crave closeness and intimacy. Any boundaries between them and a loved one can be perceived as a threat, provoking fear and anxiety that they do not love them. People with an anxious attachment style can also struggle with jealousy when away from their partners and use guilt or manipulation tactics to keep them close.

Anxiously attached people can also struggle with codependent relationships, which promote unhealthy relationships and affect self-worth. Codependent people enable the unhealthy behaviours of their partners out of fear they will leave them if they set a boundary and always put their loved ones before themselves.

Disorganised

Also known as fearful-avoidant attachment, it stems from an intense fear of a caregiver. When caregivers are abusive, neglectful, or intimidating, as well as a source of comfort, children can become confused and disoriented about their relationship.

Adults with this attachment style can find close relationships intimidating and unsettling, swinging between emotional extremes with a partner. They can exhibit negative behaviour patterns and refuse to take responsibility for their actions, even when they harm others. However, they also crave secure, loving relationships while simultaneously terrified of them.

Avoidant

Children who develop an avoidant attachment style may have had caregivers who rejected their needs in infancy. Their parents or caregivers never met their needs reliably or predictably, so children learn to try and self-soothe. This can cause people to crave independence and avoid intimacy in adulthood.

In adult relationships, people with an avoidant attachment style may withdraw from people the closer they get. If they perceive a partner as too needy, they can become closed off and distant and may even minimise their partner’s emotions to protect their freedom and independence.

Secure

Securely attached children are raised by engaged, responsive caregivers who respond to them in distress and make them feel safe and secure. This provides people with a solid foundation for forming healthy relationships for the rest of their lives.

A secure attachment style does not mean that all relationships are perfect and problem-free. However, it does mean that people can more easily rely on their partners for love and support, set and maintain healthy boundaries, and express themselves and their emotions in intimate relationships.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Those with insecure attachment styles can struggle with their relationships, fearing getting too close to their partners or clinging to them too tightly in case they leave. However, attachment is not a permanent trait. With work, everyone can foster healthy relationships.

Healthy relationships require several things:

Good communication – Talking about any issues, challenges, or negative emotions that arise and listening to the other person is essential in every relationship. Effective communication involves listening and speaking, avoiding interrupting the other person and expressing feelings and emotions clearly and respectfully.
Time apart – Time together in any relationship is important, but so is time apart. Healthy relationships are interdependent, in which people rely on each other for support, but they still maintain their identities as individuals. Each person enjoys quality time together but also spends time pursuing their hobbies and spending time with friends and family.
Trust – When people are secretive or dismissive in relationships, it can damage the trust between both parties. Healthy relationships involve trust and honesty, where people are assured that their partner respects them and will not hurt them intentionally.
Respect – Even in arguments or disagreements, healthy relationships are built on respect. This includes respecting boundaries, opinions, and autonomy.

Insecurely attached people can struggle with some of these elements. For example, someone who is anxiously attached can struggle to take time apart from their partner as they fear they will lose interest in them. Alternatively, avoidantly attached people may take too much time apart from their loved ones.

Improving and cultivating healthy relationships can take time. Many people may not consider that their attachment and early childhood experiences could influence their current relationships and dismiss difficulties as being caused by incompatibility with their partner. However, they may find they can resolve many challenges within their relationships by exploring their attachment style.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with anything you have read in this blog, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential program and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

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Managing Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Thu, 01 Sep 2022 06:00:17 +0000

Attachment is formed from early childhood interactions and can be either secure or insecure. Insecure attachment styles can cause specific patterns that last throughout adulthood which can be challenging to manage alone.

What Is Insecure Attachment?

There are four attachment styles that psychologists have identified.

Secure attachment is the healthiest kind. When children know they are loved, safe and cared for, they grow up securely attached, which promotes healthy, stable relationships in adulthood.

The other three attachment styles are insecure and are:

Avoidant – those with an avoidant attachment style can struggle with intimacy, preferring to be independent and alone. They may suppress negative emotions, be reluctant to discuss them with anyone, and refuse to reach out to others in times of need.
Ambivalent – also referred to as anxious attachment, people with this attachment style can come across as clingy or needy in relationships. Although they may be open to intimacy and crave close relationships, they can struggle when in a relationship, worrying that their partner will leave them if they open up.
Disorganised – people with a disorganised attachment style can struggle with wanting to be loved while avoiding relationships to protect themselves from being hurt. They can act in unpredictable ways within relationships as they are unsure whether it is safe. They struggle with low self-esteem and have a deep distrust of others.

Causes of Insecure Attachment

People with an insecure attachment style often did not receive loving and consistent care from their caregivers. For example, their caregivers may have been emotionally unavailable or dismissive when they needed something. In other cases, their caregivers may have been emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive.

Those with an ambivalent attachment style may have had caregivers who were inconsistent when responding to their emotional needs.^[1] As a child, they would not understand why at some points, they received love and care, and at other times did not. Therefore, they become anxious and fearful about receiving emotional support.

Other causes of insecure attachment include:

Yelling at children when they are upset or sad
Ignoring cries, distress, or fear
Shaming a child when they are emotional

The Stages of Attachment

Both secure and insecure attachment styles are formed very early in childhood. There are several stages in how attachment develops:^[2]

Pre-attachment – infants are not attached to a particular caregiver from birth to three months.
Indiscriminate attachment – from six weeks to seven months, children begin to show a preference for their primary caregivers and respond more positively to their primary caregivers than others.
Discriminate attachment – from seven to eleven months of age, infants show a strong preference for one individual and display distress and anxiety when they leave.
Multiple attachments – after nine months, children begin to form strong bonds beyond their primary caregivers, such as with their grandparents, older siblings, or other caregivers.

However, forming attachments may not be as straightforward as this. For example, those without a primary caregiver who are cared for by multiple people may not develop the sense of trust needed to form a deep attachment.

Healing Insecure Attachment: Earned Security

It was initially thought, by psychologist John Bowlby, who pioneered attachment theory, that once children formed an attachment style, it was fixed. However, insecure attachment styles can be changed, and people can find ways to cope with and manage them.

Those with an insecure attachment style can benefit from earned security. This means developing a secure attachment style through adult interactions and relationships rather than early childhood interactions with their caregivers.

To develop earned security, people reflect heavily on what happened to them as a child, to cause an insecure attachment style. They also explore its impact on their decisions, such as how they react to certain triggers or events in their relationships.

Working towards this type of security can be challenging but highly rewarding. Several steps can be taken to develop earned security, such as:

Learning about attachment – knowing more about attachment can help people to identify specific patterns within their relationships and understand where they may stem from. Being able to identify their specific attachment style is the first step in working to become more secure.
Finding other securely attached people – developing relationships with those who already have a secure attachment style can help to support people when they are working their way to earned security.
Improving communication – better communication can help those with insecure attachment styles to voice their needs and identify what could help their relationships. Improving communication can improve the relationship, and both partners can benefit.
Identifying triggers – specific triggers can affect those with an insecure attachment style and affect relationships and mental health. For example, if their partner does not respond to a text message for a few hours, someone with an ambivalent attachment style might panic and think something is wrong. Awareness of triggers can help people plan for them and learn healthy coping methods, such as grounding exercises.

Insecure attachment styles can have deep roots, and self-care may not be enough. Professional help can assist in the transition to a healthy attachment style, as therapists can work through traumatic memories that may hinder people in overcoming specific patterns.

Establishing a healthy, secure attachment style is hard work, but it is possible and brings many rewards. Early childhood experiences can have long-reaching consequences, but attachment styles are not set in stone – they can change for the better.

Sources:

^[1] Hong YR, Park JS. Impact of attachment, temperament and parenting on human development. Korean J Pediatr. 2012;55(12):449-454. doi:10.3345/kjp.2012.55.12.449

^[2] Schaffer HR, Emerson PE. The development of social attachments in infancy. Monogr Soc Res Child Dev. 1964;29:1-77. doi:10.2307/1165727

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What is Intergenerational Trauma?

Araminta — Fri, 06 May 2022 16:45:35 +0000

Intergenerational trauma is a term used to describe the transmission of traumatic or oppressive effects of a historical event. As more and more people become aware of the concept, many may wonder if this is something they are experiencing.

Intergenerational Trauma Explained

Simply put, intergenerational trauma is the trauma that is passed from trauma survivors to their descendants. It is also known as transgenerational trauma and was first recognised in the children of Holocaust survivors.

Intergenerational trauma can be passed down from parent to child if the parent experienced childhood abuse or suffered many adverse childhood experiences. Their trauma could then influence their parenting style in a way which traumatises their children. This could take the form of shouting – a parent may shout at their child because their parents shouted at them – or more serious forms of abuse. The cycle of intergenerational trauma could then repeat itself indefinitely.

Other examples of intergenerational trauma can include:

Refusing to talk about feelings or appearing emotionally numb.
Being extremely guarded of children and other family members, even though there is no danger.
Refusing to respect privacy or boundaries.

There are many more ways that intergenerational trauma can manifest in family life. Depending on the type of trauma, the personality of family members, and environmental factors such as socioeconomic background, trauma can be felt differently across the generations.

The roots of generational trauma are varied. Evidence shows that systemic oppression causes higher rates of intergenerational trauma, for example, in the descendants of refugees and genocide survivors.^[1]

Historical Trauma

Historical trauma is considered a type of intergenerational trauma. It refers to a traumatic event that impacts a larger group of people and is defined by three things:

The suffering of those who experienced the trauma
The malicious intent of those who caused the trauma
The widespread nature of the trauma

This form of intergenerational trauma was coined when Maria Yellow Horse Brave Heart was working with Lakota communities, and she saw the long-standing effects of the American Indian boarding schools. These schools were meant to assimilate Native Americans into European culture and attempted to strip Native American children of their cultural identity. They were forbidden to speak their native language and their long hair was cut off.

As a result of the trauma suffered, the descendants of boarding school survivors may face various problems passed down through the generations, such as higher rates of substance abuse, physical abuse and violence that perpetuate the cycle of intergenerational trauma all over again.^[2]

Genetics and Trauma

There is a strong connection between genetics and trauma. Trauma survivors can have several different reactions when experiencing a traumatic event – fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or flop, to name a few. These responses are helped along by genetics and DNA and are then passed onto offspring to prepare them for any potential traumatic events they may face.^[3]

This field is known as epigenetics. Scientists in this field have found that although the DNA itself is not changed by trauma, it does alter which genes activate in threatening situations.

Therefore, intergenerational trauma is coded into genetics as well as through the actions of parents. The children of those who have experienced traumatic events are then primed to anticipate danger, which can have a stressful toll on their mental and physical health.

The Impact of Intergenerational Trauma

Trauma impacts all parts of life, and symptoms can range from relatively mild to debilitating. Symptoms can include:

Having difficulty sleeping
Ruminating on negative thoughts
Feeling numb or disconnected from the body
Being irritable or angry when confronted with a trigger

Intergenerational trauma can also be linked with many health conditions due to epigenetic changes, which can cause conditions such as:

Schizophrenia
Depression
Cancer
Heart disease
Diabetes

Healing Intergenerational Trauma

Despite the longevity of intergenerational trauma, it can be healed, and there is treatment available.

Here are some steps that you can take to begin healing intergenerational trauma:

Reconnect to your roots – intergenerational trauma can be caused by the severing of cultural roots, as experienced by Native Americans in boarding schools. Finding ways to reconnect to your culture can help start the healing process and can be done via many different mediums, including dance, storytelling, art and spirituality.
Build resilience – resilience can help people deal with adversity better and maintain a more positive outlook on life. Strategies to improve your resilience can include developing strong relationships with loved ones, setting realistic goals, and taking action when problems arise.
Take care of yourself – self-care can help boost mental well-being and improve our physical health. Ensure that you are getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and exercising regularly.
Seek therapy – working with a therapist can have immense benefits in healing intergenerational trauma. Therapists can help you get to the core of intergenerational trauma, reduce trauma symptoms, and provide helpful ways to cope with any symptoms that persist. Many forms of therapy can be used, including music therapy and art therapy.

Healing intergenerational trauma prevents it from being passed on to future generations and can show those still struggling that there is a healthy, positive way to cope.

Conclusion

Intergenerational trauma is a type of trauma that can be passed down through families after people experience traumatic events. This can be any form of trauma, from personal trauma to collective trauma such as racial discrimination. Intergenerational trauma can manifest in many different ways, all of which can be harmful to families and family members.

Healing from intergenerational trauma is possible. Therapy can help people identify the source of the trauma and provide ways to begin the healing process.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with intergenerational trauma, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential programme and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

^[1] Sangalang CC, Vang C. Intergenerational trauma in refugee families: a systematic review. J Immigrant Minority Health. 2017;19(3):745-754.

^[2] Gone, J. P.; Hartmann, W. E.; Pomerville, A.; Wendt, D. C.; Klem, S. H.; Burrage, R. L. (2019). “The Impact of Historical Trauma on Health Outcomes for Indigenous Populations in the USA and Canada: A Systematic Review”. The American Psychologist. 74 (1): 20–35. doi:10.1037/amp0000338. PMID 30652897. S2CID 58570971.

^[3] Ryan J, Chaudieu I, Ancelin ML, Saffery R. Biological underpinnings of trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder: focusing on genetics and epigenetics. Epigenomics. 2016;8(11):1553-1569.

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Understanding Attachment Styles Part IIII: Disorganised-Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Fri, 28 Jan 2022 05:30:31 +0000

Disorganised attachment is an unhealthy attachment style that can lead to various personal and professional problems in a person’s life. This attachment style is the only disorganised one, with the three other styles – secure, anxious, and avoidant – all having secure characteristics.

In the final part of our four-part series on attachment styles, we will be covering the least well known of all the attachment styles – disorganised attachment.

Signs of Disorganised Attachment

Sometimes called fearful-avoidant attachment, disorganised attachment has several signs, including:

Extreme fear of rejection
Difficulty connecting to others
Feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy
Desiring closeness but pushing others away
Chaotic or intense relationship patterns

Children with a disorganised attachment style may struggle to reach the same cognitive milestones as securely attached children. Children may also have trust issues, as their caregiver may have violated their trust multiple times.

Adults with a disorganised attachment style often fear that anyone they let close to them will hurt them. As a result, they push many people away. Adults with this attachment style may think that rejection is inevitable no matter what they do and therefore shy away from any relationship, be it romantic or platonic.

Furthermore, disorganised adults usually negatively perceive themselves and other people. Research has also found that people with this attachment style are more likely to develop depression and social anxiety.^[1] Some studies additionally suggest that those with disorganised attachment are more likely to develop substance use disorders and demonstrate aggressive behaviour.

In addition to the above, further research into the fearful-avoidant attachment style has revealed that this particular type of attachment may influence how people view sex and intimacy. One study found that people with a disorganised attachment style were more likely to have more sexual partners throughout their lives and were more likely to consent to sex, even when they did not want it.^[2] This may be due to a combined desire for intimacy and emotional distance, with the disorganised individual engaging in casual relationships to hold others at arm’s length.

Causes of Disorganised Attachment

When babies are born, they immediately bond with their parents or caregivers. These caregivers cater to their physical and emotional needs, providing a safe space for the child to return to. However, if the caregiver does not provide a safe space for the child when they are distressed, the child cannot form a secure bond and will instead develop an insecure attachment style.

Children may also develop a disorganised attachment style if their parent or caregiver exhibits frightening behaviour. This behaviour may include physical, emotional, sexual abuse, or shouting at the child instead of providing reassurance for any fears and distress. Other responses that may contribute towards a disorganised attachment style include:

Laughing at a child in distress
Shouting at a child to stop them crying
Only soothing a child very briefly before losing patience and shouting
Ignoring a child’s cries for long periods at a time

The disorganised attachment style was the last attachment style to be identified by researchers. Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth were instrumental in identifying secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment, but researchers Main and Solomon later added disorganised attachment in 1986.^[3]

Coping With Disorganised Attachment

Many people may not realise that they have a disorganised attachment style. Although it can be challenging to cope with, there are ways to improve and change this attachment style to a more secure form. For those with disorganised attachment, there are several ways to help:

Become educated – Read into disorganised attachment and identify some of the traits. This enables adults to gain insight into some patterns that may influence their relationships and inner dialogue.
Improve communication – To improve communication, adults should speak more openly about what makes them anxious in a relationship. They should also seek reassurance when needed.
Talk to a therapist – Attachment is intrinsically linked to trauma. If a child does not have their most basic needs for affection and love met, this can stay with them for years, and the world can be overwhelming, even as an adult. Talking to a therapist can help people feel more connected to themselves and help them connect to others as well.

However, a disorganised person may have trouble opening up, even to a therapist. It may feel too close to intimacy, and they could withdraw and refuse to attend sessions after only a few weeks.^[4] This reluctance can be improved by seeking a therapist with experience in treating the root causes of disorganised attachment.

Healing from a disorganised attachment style is a challenging but worthwhile process. The ability to form healthy relationships can positively impact many people’s lives for the better for years to come.

Conclusion

A disorganised attachment style can make it incredibly difficult to form and maintain relationships. It can stem from childhood abuse, trauma, or an emotionally unavailable or distant caregiver. However, it is possible to heal and change a disorganised attachment style by engaging in therapy and self-reflection to identify negative thought patterns and learn how to alter them.

Sources:

^[1] Murphy B, Bates GW. Adult attachment style and vulnerability to depression. Pers Individ Dif. 1997;22(6):835-844. doi:10.1016/s0191-8869(96)00277-2

^[2] Favez N, Tissot H. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: A Specific Impact on Sexuality? J Sex Marital Ther. 2019;45(6):510-523. doi:10.1080/0092623x.2019.1566946

^[3] Main, M. & Solomon, J. (1986) Discovery of a new, insecure-disorganized/disoriented attachment pattern. In T. B. Brazelton & M. Yogman (Eds), Affective development in infancy , pp. 95-124. Norwood, New Jersey: Ablex.

^[4] Reis S, Grenyer BFS. Fearful attachment, working alliance and treatment response for individuals with major depression. Clin Psychol Psychother. 2004;11(6):414-424. doi:10.1002/cpp.428

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Understanding Attachment Styles Part III: Avoidant-Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 05:30:45 +0000

As with other attachment styles, the avoidant-insecure attachment style develops in early childhood. Sometimes known simply as avoidant attachment or dismissive attachment, children with this attachment style can become very independent – unhealthily so.

Avoidant attachment is one of four attachment styles, the others being secure, anxious, and disorganised. Find out more about the avoidant-insecure attachment style here, or read more about the other attachment styles in our latest blogs.

Characteristics of Avoidant-Insecure Attachment

Children with an avoidant-insecure attachment style may show a lack of desire for closeness and love on the surface, but inside they often struggle with feelings of stress and anxiety. They may reject contact with their primary caregiver whilst also wanting to be near them simultaneously.

In the 1970s, Mary Ainsworth’s Strange Situation assessment reviewed how infants reacted when their mother left the room and a stranger entered. She observed that infants with an avoidant-insecure attachment style were outwardly calm when their mother left but avoided contact with her when she returned.^[1]

As an adult, those with an avoidant attachment style often display traits, such as:

Navigating difficult situations alone, even when offered support
Suppressing pessimistic emotions
Avoiding emotional intimacy in relationships
Withdrawing from difficult conversations or events
Focusing only on their own needs and comfort
Having high self-esteem but a negative view of others around them

Adults with an avoidant attachment style may also find it challenging to communicate their needs in their friendships and relationships.^[2] Nevertheless, they may enjoy the company of others and have many friends, yet work hard to avoid letting people in as they feel as though they do not or should not need to rely on anyone.

The avoidant adult may engage in romantic relationships but use various tactics to ensure that they do not progress further than surface level. For example, they may use excuses of having to work late to avoid seeing their partners or fail to support their partners through emotionally challenging times.

Causes of Avoidant Attachment

Babies and young children signal their needs by crying or reaching out to their primary caregiver. However, when their caregiver rejects their signals and ignores them, they may learn to repress any needs for comfort when they feel upset. Unresponsive caregivers can cause children to develop an avoidant attachment style as they are consistently discouraged from expressing emotion and realise that they will receive no support.

Although an avoidant parent may care for their child’s physical needs, such as food, clothing, and shelter, overlooking their emotional needs significantly impacts how their attachment develops. In the 1950s, Harry Harlow conducted a study in which he gave baby monkeys the choice of spending time with two inanimate mothers – a soft cloth mother or a wire mother with food.

The baby monkeys spent most of their time with the cloth mothers, only going to the wire mother for food. This demonstrated the importance of receiving comfort and warmth during early childhood and how children form attachment through more than being fed and housed.^[3]

If a parent or caregiver of a child has an avoidant-insecure attachment style, they may:

Refuse to acknowledge their child when they cry
Physically separates from their child when they are fearful or distressed
Have an avoidant attachment style themselves
Repeatedly tell their child to toughen up or grow up when they are upset

Parents may also be struggling, and having a baby who needs a lot of emotional attention can be overwhelming. Caregivers may then become distant and emotionally unavailable from their child, which the child gradually picks up on.

If you are a parent, you can assist your child in developing a secure attachment style rather than an avoidant attachment style by ensuring that you meet their basic needs and engage with them when they show signs of fear or distress. Some parents refuse to hold their children as they cry due to a fear of spoiling them, but by ignoring them or letting them ‘cry it out’, the child may grow up with an avoidant attachment style.

Support and Help

Those with an avoidant attachment style can seek help and succeed in changing their attachment style. For example, those with an avoidant attachment style can attend therapy, which will enable them to develop a greater capacity for emotional intimacy and assess where their attachment style stems from.

By attending therapy, those with unhealthy attachment styles can work towards becoming securely attached. This can take a long time and a lot of hard work. Still, it allows individuals to develop greater insight into their relationships and become more aware of how they experience attachment.

During therapy, the avoidant adult must take steps to understand their emotional needs and assess their existing patterns of behaviour. When do they begin to pull away from emotional closeness? Is there a consistent trigger? Once these questions have been addressed, they can start developing a plan to let people into their lives.

Couples with differing attachment styles may consistently clash about the same topic. Although it may seem surface level, this issue can run deeper. As a result, it may benefit couples to attend therapy sessions with a couples counsellor. Fostering a healthy relationship takes time and effort, but it can support those with an avoidant attachment style and enable them to understand how secure, emotionally intimate relationships can aid their lives.

Conclusion

Those with an avoidant-insecure attachment style can often struggle to let people get close to them. They frequently feel they do not need to rely on anyone, and when people try to rely on them, they can fail to support them. However, there are ways that people can learn to combat these avoidant behaviours and transition to a healthier, more secure attachment style.

Sources:

^[1] Ainsworth MD, Bell SM. Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. Child Dev. 1970;41(1):49-67. doi:10.2307/1127388

^[2] Simpson JA, Rholes WS. Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006

^[3] Harlow HF. The nature of love. American Psychologist. 1958;13(12):673-685. doi:10.1037/h0047884

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Understanding Attachment Styles Part II: Anxious-Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 05:30:33 +0000

Influenced primarily by parents or caregivers, attachment styles shape how people function as children and adults. Amongst the various attachment styles that can develop is anxious-insecure attachment.

Also known as ambivalent attachment, this attachment style can be incredibly unhealthy and affect all aspects of a person’s life.

Causes of Anxious Attachment

Research shows that early life experiences have significant control over the attachment style a child develops. For example, those with an anxious attachment style may have experienced inconsistent parenting during their younger years. This may have seen a parent or caregiver be attentive and nurturing at times and cold and emotionally unavailable at others.

An example of inconsistent parenting includes events in which parents may have attempted not to spoil a child by refusing to pick them up as and when they cried. If children do not know what to expect from their caregivers and cannot be certain that their needs and wants will be reacted to, they can become confused, insecure, and clingy.

In addition to inconsistent parenting, several childhood experiences may place children at an increased risk of developing an anxious attachment style, such as:

Abuse or neglect
Early separation from a parent or caregiver, such as divorce
Having a parent or caregiver who appeared annoyed when the child was in distress

The Strange Situation

Many studies, such as ‘The Strange Situation’, a procedure developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s,^[1] have focused on attachment styles. This particular experiment examined how children between 9 and 18 months reacted when their mother left the room and a stranger entered.

During this study, Ainsworth reviewed the behaviours of the children at all stages, including if they explored or searched for their mother and how they maintained or avoided contact. In doing so, she identified three attachment styles: secure, resistant, and avoidant. Those with a resistant attachment style were intensely distressed when their mother left, but when reunited with her, they resisted contact.

Ainsworth, therefore, concluded that the parent or caregiver was responsible for a child’s attachment style. Mothers who responded incorrectly to their children’s needs were more likely to have children with an anxious-insecure attachment style.

In addition to offering insight into attachment styles, Ainsworth’s study provided empirical evidence for John Bowlby’s attachment theory, which was developed in the 1960s.^[2]

Signs of Anxious Attachment

Those with an anxious attachment style display multiple signs as children and adults. As children, these can include:

Not interacting with strangers
Becoming incredibly upset when their caregiver leaves them
Crying that cannot be easily consoled
Being generally anxious
Exploring less than other children

As an adult, signs of an anxious attachment style include:

Inability to trust others
Low self-esteem
Being scared of abandonment
Being overly sensitive to a partner’s actions and moods
Requiring constant reassurance that people care about them

Adults with an anxious attachment style can find romantic and platonic relationships challenging to maintain. They may often feel that their relationships are unstable and have a negative view of themselves. One study found that women with an anxious attachment style find relationships especially difficult as adults.^[3]

People with anxious attachment styles may also be self-sacrificing in relationships out of fear that their partner will leave if their needs are not met. However, this behaviour can lead to resentment and unmet needs from the anxious party, which can severely damage the relationship.

How To Change Attachment Styles

It is possible to change unhealthy attachment styles to healthier ones through treatment. For example, those with an anxious-insecure attachment style may benefit from cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) to help regulate their emotional reactions and change their negative thought patterns.

It is also essential to keep in touch with the emotions and feelings that arise when anxiously attached people feel insecure in their relationships. By understanding their triggers and reactions, they can explore the reasons behind their responses and review how to mitigate them.

Communication is critical for adults with an anxious attachment style. As they may require more reassurance, they may benefit from discussing this with their partner to clarify what they need to feel more secure in their relationship. Firm, clear boundaries can also help those with anxious attachment styles, as it can remove some anxiety from scenarios such as spending time apart or having different hobbies. Boundaries can also help the partners of anxiously attached people, offering them space from consistently reassuring their partner.

Conclusion

An anxious-insecure attachment style develops in childhood, usually stemming from inconsistent parenting. This can cause problems later in life as anxiously attached adults can struggle in their relationships due to low self-esteem. Their romantic relationships can additionally consume their lives as they are desperate to gain a sense of closeness and intimacy.

However, unhealthy attachment styles can be changed. Therapy and self-reflection can give those with an anxious-insecure attachment style the tools to combat negative thoughts and unhealthy behaviours, allowing them to work towards a more secure attachment style.

Sources:

^[1] Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR. Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy. Dev Psychopathol. 2013;25(4 Pt 2):1415-34. doi: 10.1017/S0954579413000692

^[2] Fuertes J N, R. Grindell S, Kestenbaum M, Gorman B. Sex, Parent Attachment, Emotional Adjustment, and Risk-Taking Behaviors, Int J High Risk Behav Addict. 2017 ; 6(2):e36301. doi: 10.5812/ijhrba.36301.

^[3] McCarthy, Gerard, and Alan Taylor. “Avoidant/Ambivalent Attachment Style As A Mediator Between Abusive Childhood Experiences And Adult Relationship Difficulties”. Journal Of Child Psychology And Psychiatry, vol 40, no. 3, 1999, pp. 465-477. Wiley, https://doi.org/10.1111/1469-7610.00463. Accessed 31 Dec 2021.

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What Are The Kinds Of Attachment Patterns?

steve — Tue, 04 Sep 2018 20:36:32 +0000

In our previous Question & Answer, we examined attachment patterns, how they are formed, what kinds of attachment patterns we can develop, and why understanding our attachment patterns matters. We learned that attachment patterns are often rooted in trauma and can shape our entire lives without our realizing it. Trauma in early childhood can be significant and specific, yet can also be seemingly innocuous and vague. However our attachment patterns are defined, they can define how we have relationships and get our needs met until we learn how to manage our attachment patterns on our own.

Four Kinds Of Attachment Patterns

Attachment patterns vary and can be fluid, depending on an individual and their experiences. There are, however, four distinct kind of attachment patterns which are found most often and most consistently among most people: secure attachment, avoidant attachment, ambivalent, and disorganized.

Secure And Insecure Attachment Patterns

Secure Attachment: An individual who has developed a secure attachment style was rarely left in a state of distress for long and was not likely caused any severe distress by a traumatic event. Their parents and primary caregivers met their needs, comforted them, and were able to build trust. In relationships, people with secure attachment patterns feel happy and secure. Relationships for those with a secure attachment are most often healthy, functional, and thriving.
Avoidant Attachment: One of the best ways to understand the avoidant attachment pattern is to directly contrast it to the secure attachment pattern. Someone who is avoidant likely suffered a trauma in their early lives which left them feeling abandoned, neglected, or abused. Rather than be comforted in distress, they were left in distress without any self-coping mechanisms. As a result, individuals with avoidant attachment patterns do not feel as though they can have their needs met by others, which leads them to have difficulty trusting, gaining intimacy, or even staying in relationships.

Ambivalent And Disorganized Attachment Patterns

Ambivalent Attachment: An ambivalent attachment pattern is neither fully secure nor is it fully avoidant because, most often, the parent or primary caregiver was never consistent in the kind of love and care they provided. Parents who are inconsistent and fluctuate between attentiveness and affection as well as neglect or avoidance, inspire the ambivalent attachment parent. Children need consistency in order to learn how to trust their own behaviors in addition to the behaviors of adults. Never knowing what to expect or for how long, adults with ambivalent attachment patterns are often anxious and insecure in their relationships and have difficulty understanding the motives or decisions made by their partners.
Disorganized Attachment: The secure, avoidant, and ambivalent attachment patterns are defined by relatively predictable parenting or behaviors from primary caregivers. Even the ambivalent style of parents is predictable: either attentive or neglectful. Parents who act in a disorganized manner have unpredictable responses, care styles, and behaviors towards their child. Whatever their responses, usually the manner of their response is erratic and dramatic. Jumpy and inconsistent, a child becomes deeply confused by their parent’s behaviors and lacks the general ability to cope with such behaviors. Instead of becoming secure, avoidant, or ambivalent, the child is unorganized in their thoughts, feelings, attachments, behaviors, and responses to life. Individuals with the disorganized attachment pattern may simply tune out of relationships because they never learned how to emotionally respond to life. They may also be angry and aggressive because they learned how to fight life stressors.

In our next Question & Answer, we will offer you strategies for how to determine your attachment pattern and how you can change your relationship patterns.

Stop the cycle of merry-go-round treatment and find the solution you’re looking for in trauma treatment. Through effective residential treatment, Khiron House helps you find the path you need toward health and wellness in recovery. For information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

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Janina Fisher Workshop

steve — Sun, 25 May 2014 20:29:21 +0000

Traumatic Attachment and Co-Regulation: the Neurobiology of Relationship by Dr Janina Fisher

Columbia Hotel, Bayswater, London. 26th, 27th January 9.00am to 5.00pm

This event was recorded and is available for sale on DVD or memory stick from Whole Being Films

“Well done Khiron house team, well organized. So inspired by Janina’s wisdom, empathetic clear delivery and 33 year experience. Would love a client focused workshop run by her.”

“Had a great day – thank you”

“Other than the venue, all excellent, really well organized, thank you for all the hard work and effort.”

“Janina was inspiration and I came away uplifted and encouraged – a brilliant workshop.”

“Congratulations – I thought the first Khiron House workshop was very successful.”

“Very enjoyable and informative workshop.”

“The hand-outs were very helpful and appropriate. All staff engaging and helpful. The workshop was excellent and very helpful. Thank you.”

“Perfect balance of information, case examples, limiting floor questions and not many time wasting role plays. As someone who came to counselling late I attend numerous CPD events, this has been the best in 3 years.”

“An excellent speaker, very informative, engaging and stimulating. Thank you so much Janina.”

“I feel the workshop was really well presented and Janina fisher an excellent speaker. Thank you and looking forward to next time.”

“Janina is a wonderful speaker.”

“I found the workshop interesting and exciting and there was a great deal of positive energy from all involved. I feel inspired! Thank you.”

“Pleasure to hear the speaker- lots of good ideas.”

“Wonderful, engaging, informative, excellent.”

“An excellent workshop, learnt so much, thanks to all.”

“2 great days – thank you.”

“The material and her energising delivery were both so fabulous it would have taken more than that to disrupt it. Janina’s insights are invaluable.”

“Janina’s workshop was one of the best CPD events I’ve attended in years and I’m continuing to reflect on and process the material she presented. Thank you also to you and your colleagues for making the workshop possible in such a friendly and efficient way.”

“I thought the workshop was excellent, Janina Fisher truly inspiring, and you all handled the water leak as speedily and efficiently as possible.”

Khiron House is delighted to present this important two-day Janina Fisher Workshop

In this two-day workshop Janina will be helping us to understand how traumatic attachment in childhood affects not only how we feel in relationships but also the ability of the nervous system to tolerate proximity to others. This workshop opens up a deeper understanding of how trauma impacts attachments to others and how to work relationally and somatically to create a greater sense of safety in our relationships.

Janina Fisher, PhD is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and Instructor at the Trauma Center, an outpatient clinic and research centre founded by Bessel van der Kolk. Known for her expertise as both a therapist and consultant, she is also past president of the New England Society for the Treatment of Trauma and Dissociation, an EMDR International Association Credit Provider, a faculty member of the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, and a former Instructor, Harvard Medical School.

Dr. Fisher has been an invited speaker at the Cape Cod Institute, Harvard Medical School Conference Series, the EMDR International Association Annual Conference, University of Wisconsin, University of Westminster in London, the Psychotraumatology Institute of Europe, and the Esalen Institute. Dr. Fisher lectures and teaches nationally and internationally on topics related to the integration of research and treatment and how to introduce these newer trauma treatment paradigms in traditional therapeutic approaches. www.janinafisher.com

This event is fully catered included in your ticket price. There will be two sessions, morning and afternoon, with a 3 course buffet lunch in between. Morning and afternoon teas and coffee will be served during the breaks.

CPD certificates will be available at 5pm on the Tuesday afternoon for all registered delegates.

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