Self-Esteem Archives - Khiron Clinics

Managing Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Thu, 01 Sep 2022 06:00:17 +0000

Attachment is formed from early childhood interactions and can be either secure or insecure. Insecure attachment styles can cause specific patterns that last throughout adulthood which can be challenging to manage alone.

What Is Insecure Attachment?

There are four attachment styles that psychologists have identified.

Secure attachment is the healthiest kind. When children know they are loved, safe and cared for, they grow up securely attached, which promotes healthy, stable relationships in adulthood.

The other three attachment styles are insecure and are:

Avoidant – those with an avoidant attachment style can struggle with intimacy, preferring to be independent and alone. They may suppress negative emotions, be reluctant to discuss them with anyone, and refuse to reach out to others in times of need.
Ambivalent – also referred to as anxious attachment, people with this attachment style can come across as clingy or needy in relationships. Although they may be open to intimacy and crave close relationships, they can struggle when in a relationship, worrying that their partner will leave them if they open up.
Disorganised – people with a disorganised attachment style can struggle with wanting to be loved while avoiding relationships to protect themselves from being hurt. They can act in unpredictable ways within relationships as they are unsure whether it is safe. They struggle with low self-esteem and have a deep distrust of others.

Causes of Insecure Attachment

People with an insecure attachment style often did not receive loving and consistent care from their caregivers. For example, their caregivers may have been emotionally unavailable or dismissive when they needed something. In other cases, their caregivers may have been emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive.

Those with an ambivalent attachment style may have had caregivers who were inconsistent when responding to their emotional needs.^[1] As a child, they would not understand why at some points, they received love and care, and at other times did not. Therefore, they become anxious and fearful about receiving emotional support.

Other causes of insecure attachment include:

Yelling at children when they are upset or sad
Ignoring cries, distress, or fear
Shaming a child when they are emotional

The Stages of Attachment

Both secure and insecure attachment styles are formed very early in childhood. There are several stages in how attachment develops:^[2]

Pre-attachment – infants are not attached to a particular caregiver from birth to three months.
Indiscriminate attachment – from six weeks to seven months, children begin to show a preference for their primary caregivers and respond more positively to their primary caregivers than others.
Discriminate attachment – from seven to eleven months of age, infants show a strong preference for one individual and display distress and anxiety when they leave.
Multiple attachments – after nine months, children begin to form strong bonds beyond their primary caregivers, such as with their grandparents, older siblings, or other caregivers.

However, forming attachments may not be as straightforward as this. For example, those without a primary caregiver who are cared for by multiple people may not develop the sense of trust needed to form a deep attachment.

Healing Insecure Attachment: Earned Security

It was initially thought, by psychologist John Bowlby, who pioneered attachment theory, that once children formed an attachment style, it was fixed. However, insecure attachment styles can be changed, and people can find ways to cope with and manage them.

Those with an insecure attachment style can benefit from earned security. This means developing a secure attachment style through adult interactions and relationships rather than early childhood interactions with their caregivers.

To develop earned security, people reflect heavily on what happened to them as a child, to cause an insecure attachment style. They also explore its impact on their decisions, such as how they react to certain triggers or events in their relationships.

Working towards this type of security can be challenging but highly rewarding. Several steps can be taken to develop earned security, such as:

Learning about attachment – knowing more about attachment can help people to identify specific patterns within their relationships and understand where they may stem from. Being able to identify their specific attachment style is the first step in working to become more secure.
Finding other securely attached people – developing relationships with those who already have a secure attachment style can help to support people when they are working their way to earned security.
Improving communication – better communication can help those with insecure attachment styles to voice their needs and identify what could help their relationships. Improving communication can improve the relationship, and both partners can benefit.
Identifying triggers – specific triggers can affect those with an insecure attachment style and affect relationships and mental health. For example, if their partner does not respond to a text message for a few hours, someone with an ambivalent attachment style might panic and think something is wrong. Awareness of triggers can help people plan for them and learn healthy coping methods, such as grounding exercises.

Insecure attachment styles can have deep roots, and self-care may not be enough. Professional help can assist in the transition to a healthy attachment style, as therapists can work through traumatic memories that may hinder people in overcoming specific patterns.

Establishing a healthy, secure attachment style is hard work, but it is possible and brings many rewards. Early childhood experiences can have long-reaching consequences, but attachment styles are not set in stone – they can change for the better.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with anything you have read in this blog, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential program and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

^[1] Hong YR, Park JS. Impact of attachment, temperament and parenting on human development. Korean J Pediatr. 2012;55(12):449-454. doi:10.3345/kjp.2012.55.12.449

^[2] Schaffer HR, Emerson PE. The development of social attachments in infancy. Monogr Soc Res Child Dev. 1964;29:1-77. doi:10.2307/1165727

The post Managing Insecure Attachment appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

What is Social Comparison Theory?

Araminta — Fri, 17 Jun 2022 05:00:00 +0000

Social comparison is a part of everyday life. We all fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to people who have the career, body, or lifestyle that we covet. Social comparison theory looks at why we do this and the impact that it can have on our mental health.

Social Comparison Theory

Social comparison theory was introduced in 1954 by psychologist Leon Festinger. It suggests that humans have a desire to compare themselves to others as a way of establishing a benchmark to evaluate themselves.^[1]

Festinger’s original theory stated that evaluating skills and opinions are vital for human survival. For example, early humans may have compared themselves to those who could hunt better or were able to work out which foods were edible or poisonous. Through evaluation, humans could then set themselves what Festinger termed a level of aspiration, which gave them something to strive for.

The original theory concluded that people compared abilities and opinions with one another, but this has since expanded to include aspects such as emotions as well. More recent theorists have suggested that along with a desire to measure ourselves more accurately, social comparison is also motivated by:

Self-evaluation
Self-enhancement
Self-improvement

Some people engage in social comparison more than others, for example, those with more empathy and lower self-esteem.

Types of Social Comparison

Experts have identified two types of social comparison:

Upward social comparison – when people compare themselves those they deem better than them. Upward social comparison can be a powerful motivator to achieve similar results to those we admire.^[2]
Downward social comparison – when people compare themselves to those they see as worse off than them. It can make people feel better about their abilities or situation.

Social comparison can motivate people and encourage them to work harder to become what they aspire to be. It can also boost their self-esteem when they see other people who are not doing as well, which in turn encourages gratitude and empathy. Alongside this, friendly competition has been proven to be a great motivator, giving people access to peer support and encouraging them to work harder. However, it can also be highly detrimental if it becomes too competitive, especially in an age of social media.

The Downside of Social Comparison Theory

Those who have experienced trauma, high-stress levels, and mental health difficulties in the past often struggle with social comparison. They will often use downward social comparison as a benchmark and can be discouraged rather than motivated when they use upward social comparison as their desired goal may appear unattainable.

For example, social comparison can cause trauma survivors to look at others who may have survived the same or a similar event and question why they aren’t as resilient. In this case, it can have a highly negative effect, potentially causing the person to ruminate further on their trauma, which can negatively affect their recovery.^[3]

These comparisons can cause more stress than necessary and significantly lower self-esteem. Social media can be a primary source of comparative stress, as we see others constantly post about fairy-tale lifestyles. It is easy to compare what is happening in our lives to those on social media and become discouraged when what we see doesn’t measure up.

Many studies have demonstrated the adverse effects of social media on our mental health. 60% of people interviewed for one study stated that social media negatively affected their mental health, and 80% said it was easier to be deceived on social media.^[4]

Limiting Social Comparison

When people constantly compare themselves to others, it can feel like a never-ending downward spiral. However, there are several steps people can take to limit this comparison and boost self-esteem:

Limit social media use – reducing social media use can help stop or limit social comparison. Research from the University of Pennsylvania found that when people limited their use of social media platforms to half an hour a day, they saw significant decreases in loneliness, anxiety, and depression.^[5]
Find supportive role models – finding supportive role models can help to get out of the trap of downward comparison. This could be anyone from a celebrity to a friend or family member. A supportive role model can encourage people to stop comparing themselves to others while also providing a positive example.
Practise gratitude – it is easy for people to compare themselves to others and forget about the good things in their lives. Practising gratitude is an excellent way to focus on positive things rather than constantly picking up on the negative. Even noting down just three things you are grateful for every day can have many benefits. Gratitude practice has been proven to relieve stress and may even be able to change the brain structure in depressed individuals.^[6]
Identify triggers – certain triggers may prompt people to compare themselves to others. This could be anything, even minor things such as seeing a new post on a social media feed. Making a note of what triggers social comparison can help to limit exposure and assist in creating a plan of action for what to do when it happens.

Limiting social comparison can be challenging; however, becoming consciously aware of when we begin to compare ourselves to others can be incredibly beneficial in breaking a downward cycle.

Social comparison is part of being human. While it is impossible to stop it completely, we can work towards managing it and avoiding the adverse effects it can cause.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with social comparison, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential programme and outpatient therapies addressing trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

^[1] Festinger L. A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations. 1954;7(2):117-140. doi:10.1177/001872675400700202

^[2] Kesici S, Erdogan A. Mathematics anxiety according to middle school students’ achievement motivation and social comparison. Education. 2010;131(1):54-63.

^[3] Meyer T, Morina N. Social comparison modulates acute responses to traumatic footage and the development of intrusive memories. Journal of Experimental Psychopathology. January 2022. doi:10.1177/20438087221075889

^[4] Silva, Clarissa. “Social Media’s Impact On Self-Esteem”. Huffpost, 2017, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/social-medias-impact-on-self-esteem_b_58ade038e4b0d818c4f0a4e4

^[5] Hunt, Melissa G. et al. “No More FOMO: Limiting Social Media Decreases Loneliness And Depression”. Journal Of Social And Clinical Psychology, vol 37, no. 10, 2018, pp. 751-768. Guilford Publications, https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2018.37.10.751. Accessed 8 June 2022.

^[6] Kini, Prathik et al. “The Effects Of Gratitude Expression On Neural Activity”. Neuroimage, vol 128, 2016, pp. 1-10. Elsevier BV, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2015.12.040. Accessed 8 June 2022.

The post What is Social Comparison Theory? appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Shame and Trauma

Araminta — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 04:30:23 +0000

Experiencing a traumatic event can awaken a wide variety of distressing emotions. One of the most challenging emotions that may arise is shame, which many people struggle with as an after-effect of trauma.

The Link Between Shame and Trauma

Research has found that many people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) struggle with shame.^[1] Certain types of trauma have been associated with greater feelings of shame, including sexual violence, childhood abuse or neglect, and intimate partner violence. These are types of ongoing trauma that do not fully heal and leave people with a persistent sense of powerlessness.

There are numerous shame reactions that people can experience, including: ^[2]

Avoiding any form of attention
Trying to hide their true self
Feeling as though others are taking advantage of them
Feeling like an outsider
Negative body language such as slumped shoulders and looking down when interacting with other people

People can internalise shame from many different sources, including parents and caregivers. They may have been mocked and belittled for their actions or behaviours, been made fun of in front of others, or been told that they are useless or that something is wrong with them for unintentional actions.

Some professionals argue for the classification of PTSD as a shame disorder as well as an anxiety disorder. The feeling of shame can prevent some people with PTSD from seeking the treatment they need, as they may be under the impression that they do not deserve it.

Those feeling ashamed because of their trauma may cope in several different ways:

Withdrawal – people who are ashamed of themselves feel worthless and unlovable. They may withdraw from their friends and family because of these thoughts or as a form of self-punishment.
Anger – people struggling with shame may lash out at other people to cover up their own emotional pain. This anger may make them feel even more ashamed of themselves.
Sadness and fear – also called safety behaviours, people may cry and apologise to avoid any potential conflict and manage their feelings of shame.
Harmful behaviours – shame can cause emotional pain, which people struggle to cope with. Therefore, they may turn to unhealthy, harmful coping mechanisms, such as substance misuse or self-harm.

These unhealthy coping mechanisms can intensify symptoms of PTSD as they can interfere with how people process their emotions.

Shame and Mental Health

Trauma and the shame that it brings can also exacerbate or encourage mental health conditions such as:

Depression – shame can lead to persistent sadness and hopelessness as people feel inadequate.
Social anxiety – people struggling with shame may feel anxious about interacting with others as they worry about what others will think of them and shirk attention.
Low self-esteem – shame can cause people to lack confidence and compare themselves unfavourably to other people.
Substance use disorders – people may turn to substances such as drugs or alcohol to cope with the negative emotions that shame brings.

Shame may also fuel perfectionism in many people. As they feel inherently inadequate or worthless, they try to counteract their emotions by being as perfect as possible, whether at work or in their relationships.

Shame vs. Guilt

Shame is closely linked to guilt, but there is a difference between the two. People feel ashamed when they judge themselves in a negative light, seeing themselves as worthless or inadequate. On the other hand, guilt is an action or behaviour evaluated as negative. This could be snapping at a loved one or failing to remember an important date.

Shame and guilt can influence behaviour in different ways. Guilt may be a more positive motivator, causing people to take steps to amend their actions or apologise to those that they hurt.

In contrast, shame is not as helpful. When people feel ashamed of themselves, they often turn to self-punishment, isolating themselves from their loved ones or engaging in self-harm. Although shame can sometimes be fleeting, it can quickly become toxic when people feel ashamed all the time and lead to unhealthy self-talk. Shame can also intensify feelings of guilt, and people can feel unjustly responsible for things that are not related to them.

Reducing Shame

It is possible to reduce and cope with feelings of shame for those dealing with trauma or PTSD:

Opposite action – when feelings of shame become particularly intense, take an opposite action to what you are feeling. For example, if shame tells you that you are worthless and nobody cares about you, reach out to a loved one instead. This counteracts shame and can boost resilience to help you to cope.^[3]
Reframe negative thoughts – when a negative thought caused by shame pops into your head, try to reframe it. For example, when you feel ashamed for not completing a certain task, reframe your thoughts and make a list of everything you have accomplished that day instead. Through reframing your thoughts, you can also explore where the thought may have come from and see the evidence against it.
Practice self-compassion – everyone is human, and everyone makes mistakes. You are worthy of love regardless of your mistakes and history! Try to boost your own self-compassion by journaling about your emotions, writing daily positive affirmations, or practising mindful meditation every day. Meditation can be especially beneficial as it can increase awareness of shameful beliefs that appear and help you let these thoughts pass without emotional distress.
Seek professional help – intense internalised shame is incredibly difficult to deal with alone, especially if trauma is a driving factor behind it. Seeking professional help can reduce feelings of shame and treat the root cause of trauma.

You deserve to heal from toxic, internalised shame and trauma. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that people care about you, no matter what your feelings of shame say.

Conclusion

Shame and trauma are closely linked, and one can play off the other. Ongoing traumas such as childhood abuse and domestic violence are likely to increase feelings of shame, persisting for many years.

Although people may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to cope with complicated feelings of shame, there are many positive coping methods, such as practising self-compassion and taking opposite actions to counter negative emotions. However, professional intervention is advisable, as shame and trauma can leave deep wounds challenging to heal alone.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with shame or trauma, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential programme and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

^[1] Bannister J, Colvonen P, Angkaw A, Norman S. Differential relationships of guilt and shame on posttraumatic stress disorder among veterans. Psychol Trauma. 2019;11(1):35-42. doi:10.1037/tra0000392

^[2] Breggin P. Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming Negative Emotions. New York: Prometheus; 2014.

^[3] Renna M, Quintero J, Fresco D, Mennin D. Emotion Regulation Therapy: A Mechanism-Targeted Treatment for Disorders of Distress. Front Psychol. 2017;8:98. doi:10.3389%2Ffpsyg.2017.00098

The post Shame and Trauma appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Why You Don’t Feel Heard

Araminta — Fri, 03 Dec 2021 06:00:03 +0000

Sometimes, not being heard has nothing to do with the volume of your voice. You may not feel heard when you express yourself, your wants, or your needs due to previous experiences of being ignored. Even though you communicate clearly, you may still feel as though your loved ones aren’t entirely understanding you.

Reasons You Don’t Feel Heard

There can be a few different reasons why you don’t feel heard within your relationships:

Your communication style is different from your partners
Your perception is different from your partners
The same issue arises even after it seems to have been solved

Your partner, friend, or family member may also make you feel unheard by flipping the topic around so that you become the issue. Alternatively, they may focus on the way they feel rather than how you feel. They may not be listening to you, and, irrespective of how good you are at communicating your needs, this will make you feel unheard and neglected.

You may be picking up on nonverbal cues that make you feel unheard. It is estimated that sixty to sixty-five per cent of interpersonal communication is nonverbal, and cues, such as turning away or picking up a phone, can indicate that we are not being listened to.^[1]

Trauma and Communication

Trauma survivors can struggle with listening and communication, and they can often feel as though they are not heard. Those who have experienced childhood post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may not have been listened to by their parents or caregivers. As a result, they may respond negatively when they are not heard in later life.

Research has also found that adverse childhood experiences have a long-lasting effect on communication.^[2]For example, many people have grown up in homes with limited healthy communication – perhaps their parents shouted at them, or there were constant passive-aggressive silences rather than open discussion. This can then influence how they communicate and listen – if they have no other examples of healthy communication, they will continue to employ unhealthy methods throughout their life.

Furthermore, this can ignite the feeling of being unheard. If a child acts out because they are upset or angry only to be met with anger or silence from their parents, they may grow up fearing being open about their feelings and feeling unworthy and unloved as a result.

However, healthy communication can be learned. Both speaking and listening are essential skills that allow us to communicate assertively beyond our personal lives and into our workplaces.^[3] There are several ways to improve your communication skills:

Take a time out – You do not have to confront difficult scenarios as and when they arise. Take a step back and process your feelings before tackling them so that you stay level-headed and arguments do not occur.
Use I statements – I statements can be less accusatory than you For instance, saying “I feel sad when you…” doesn’t place the blame on the other person like “you always…” does.
Focus on listening – Half of being a good communicator is being a good listener. When your partner is talking, focus on what they’re saying – don’t let your thoughts stray.
Set boundaries – Boundaries can significantly improve communication. For instance, you may have a set time each week to discuss finances or your relationship to clear up any issues. Alternatively, boundaries might include asking for space to avoid an argument or reassurance after a disagreement.

By becoming better at communicating and listening, you may start to feel heard by your loved ones. However, if someone is wilfully not listening to your concerns or problems, this may not be the case. It is important to know that this is not your fault.

What To Do When You Don’t Feel Heard

There are several ways to combat not being heard. Prioritising open communication is key, so try the following to encourage your partner to listen:

Schedule a good time for you and your partner to talk.
Be concise and clear – use notes if you have to.
Ask your partner to repeat back what you have said to them. If it is right, continue, but repeat what you have said if they have missed anything.
Repeat until you feel that you have been heard properly with no miscommunication.

Following this, you can step back and repeat the process to listen to your partner’s concerns or issues. This way, both parties feel heard, and you can work towards finding solutions for the issues you have both brought to light.

The challenge here is being patient and listening carefully. It is important that neither party reacts defensively or tries to turn the conversation in a different direction. If your partner becomes frustrated or angry, walk away and try again later. The goal is not to react – it is simply to listen.

What To Avoid When Feeling Unheard

Feeling like your loved one isn’t listening to you can be incredibly frustrating, especially if this is a recurring theme. Try to avoid certain reactions when you feel this way, such as:

Shouting – Yelling or screaming at your loved one is counterproductive and can make them feel worse, even if it makes you feel better for a moment. Process your anger in other ways, such as escaping the situation for a while or getting some exercise.
The silent treatment – This can confuse people and make them angrier or more upset than they were before. It is better to communicate that you need some space or time rather than giving them the cold shoulder.
Bringing up past events – Dredging up past mistakes can cause more arguments and make your partner more defensive.

Conclusion

Feeling unheard is a painful experience. It can make us feel small, neglected, and unloved. Learning new communication skills with our loved ones can help to reduce these feelings and strengthen our relationships.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling to heal from neglect and trauma, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential program and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

^[1] Burgoon, Judee K., Valerie Manusov, and Laura K. Guerrero. Nonverbal communication. Routledge, 2021.

^[2] Westby, Carol. “Adverse Childhood Experiences: What Speech-Language Pathologists Need To Know”. Word Of Mouth, vol 30, no. 1, 2018, pp. 1-4. SAGE Publications, doi:10.1177/1048395018796520. Accessed 18 Nov 2021.

^[3] Kohpeima Jahromi, Vahid et al. “Active Listening: The Key Of Successful Communication In Hospital Managers”. Electronic Physician, vol 8, no. 3, 2016, pp. 2123-2128. Mehr Publishing Group, doi:10.19082/2123. Accessed 18 Nov 2021.

The post Why You Don’t Feel Heard appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Social Anxiety Disorder and Its Link to Trauma

Araminta — Fri, 05 Nov 2021 06:02:10 +0000

It is entirely normal to feel anxiety in certain social situations. For example, you are likely to experience butterflies as you go on a first date. You may even feel nervous before a presentation at work.

However, for those with social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, routine interactions can cause considerable stress. As a result, social anxiety disorder leads to an avoidance of social situations that disrupt everyday life and significantly impact a person’s well-being.

In this article, we explore social anxiety disorder and how trauma, particularly childhood trauma, plays a role in developing the condition in later life.

What Is Social Anxiety?

Common, everyday experiences pose a significant challenge to those suffering from a social anxiety disorder. These individuals fear being negatively perceived, judged, and scrutinised. This fear is primarily associated with unfamiliar people or strangers. However, some sufferers find social interaction immensely challenging, even with close friends and family members.

Although social anxiety typically begins in adolescence, it can sometimes arise in early childhood or develop in adults. With up to a 12% lifetime prevalence, it is one of the most prevalent anxiety disorders. This is notably high compared to 7% for post-traumatic stress disorder, 6% for generalised anxiety disorder, 5% for panic disorder, and 2% for obsessive-compulsive disorder.^[1]

The types of experiences that sufferers may find hard to endure include, but are not limited to, the following:

Attending social gatherings and parties
Initiating or engaging in conversations
Going to school or work
Interacting with strangers
Making eye contact
Going on dates
Meeting friends of friends
Entering a room in which people are already seated or in conversation
Returning items to a store
Eating in front of others
Using a public restroom
Using public transport

The severe stress these social interactions cause impacts daily routines, employment, school, relationships, and hobbies. Whilst avoiding anxiety-inducing situations will ease a person’s discomfort in the short-term, long-term avoidance only exacerbates the issue.

Social anxiety disorder can become a chronic and debilitating mental health issue. Recognising the signs and symptoms of the condition and seeking early treatment is paramount for allowing the individual to find confidence and develop skills to allow for stress-free social interaction.

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

Comfort levels in social situations vary significantly from person to person. Feelings of unease, discomfort, or shyness are not necessarily signs of social anxiety. Neither is a lack of interest or enthusiasm for unfamiliar social situations or large groups of people.

Instead, our responses to situations largely depend on our personality traits, life experiences, and upbringing. Some people are naturally more reserved or introverted, whilst others are more extroverted and outgoing.

In contrast to understandable nervousness, social anxiety disorder provokes strong feelings of fear, intense anxiety, and avoidance that interfere with all aspects of a person’s life and render them powerless.

Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder may include:^[2]

Fear of situations in which you may embarrass yourself or be negatively judged.
Extreme fear when talking with strangers.
Intense anxiety surrounding social or public situations.
Avoidance of social or public situations.
Excessive anxiety in anticipation of an activity or event
Catastrophising or expecting the worst possible outcome at the event
Physical symptoms, such as trembling, shaking, blushing, sweating, upset stomach, racing heart, muscle tension, and a shaky voice.
Poor verbal communication skills when faced with a stressful situation.
An inability to think clearly.
Over-analysis of performance and perceived flaws and judgements post-event.
Reduced self-esteem, self-worth, and a lack of self-confidence.

Among children, symptoms could be displayed through extreme clinginess to their caregiver, crying, temper tantrums, or refusing to speak.

Social anxiety disorder symptoms often present differently at specific periods. They may even alter over time. If a person is experiencing stress or going through challenging life changes, the symptoms will likely flare up and escalate.

The Implications of Trauma

Research has evidenced that the development of social anxiety disorder is more prevalent among those who have experienced trauma and chronic stress. Some of the traumatic events understood to have predictive value for the onset of social anxiety include:^[3]

Childhood abandonment or neglect
Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
Bullying
Family or relational conflicts, such as divorce, custody cases, and domestic violence
Loss of a loved one
Postnatal depression or stress during pregnancy or infancy

Studies have demonstrated a direct correlation between childhood traumatic experiences and the onset of severe social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem among individuals who struggle with social anxiety disorder.^[4]

Social Anxiety and the Brain

As noted above, social anxiety emerges from a convergence of factors, including childhood experiences, genetic predisposition, trauma, and unusual brain functioning.

Studies on the brain of social anxiety disorder sufferers have shown hyperactivity in the region of the brain called the amygdala. The amygdala is responsible for the activation of our threat response system triggering f ight or f light.

This automatic survival response activates an avalanche of symptoms, including increased respiratory action, rapid heart rate, muscle tension, digestive discomfort, a surge in blood sugar, and an overwhelming sense of stress and anxiety as your body prepares itself to flee or fight. ^[5]

Individuals with social anxiety perceive social interactions as legitimate threats triggering this evolutionary danger detection system resulting in a state of hyper-vigilance and stress.^[6]

Fortunately, the brain is remarkably adaptive and can form new connections and neural pathways at any stage of life through effective treatment. ^[7] With effective treatment, those with social anxiety disorder can reorientate their brains to react in a calmer, more rational state during social encounters that pose no real threat.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling to heal from psychological trauma, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential program and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

[1] Unlocking-Potential.Co.Uk, 2021, https://www.unlocking-potential.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Statistics-relating-to-Social-An

[2] Purdon, Christine et al. “Social Anxiety In College Students”. Journal Of Anxiety Disorders, vol 15, no. 3, 2001, pp. 203-215. Elsevier BV, doi:10.1016/s0887-6185(01)00059-7. Accessed 3 Nov 2021.

[3] Schmidt, Louis. “Social Anxiety Disorder: A Review Of Environmental Risk Factors”. Neuropsychiatric Disease And Treatment, 2008, p. 123. Informa UK Limited, doi:10.2147/ndt.s1799. Accessed 3 Nov 2021.

[4] Kuo, Janice R. et al. “Childhood Trauma And Current Psychological Functioning In Adults With Social Anxiety Disorder”. Journal Of Anxiety Disorders, vol 25, no. 4, 2011, pp. 467-473. Elsevier BV, doi:10.1016/j.janxdis.2010.11.011. Accessed 3 Nov 2021.

[5] “What Is ‘Fight, Flight Or Freeze’?”. North West Boroughs Healthcare, 2021, https://www.nwbh.nhs.uk/healthandwellbeing/Pages/Fight-or-Flight.aspx.

[6] Sladky, Ronald et al. “Disrupted Effective Connectivity Between The Amygdala And Orbitofrontal Cortex In Social Anxiety Disorder During Emotion Discrimination Revealed By Dynamic Causal Modeling For Fmri”. Cerebral Cortex, vol 25, no. 4, 2013, pp. 895-903. Oxford University Press (OUP), doi:10.1093/cercor/bht279. Accessed 3 Nov 2021.

[7] Månsson, K N T et al. “Neuroplasticity In Response To Cognitive Behavior Therapy For Social Anxiety Disorder”. Translational Psychiatry, vol 6, no. 2, 2016, pp. e727-e727. Springer Science And Business Media LLC, doi:10.1038/tp.2015.218. Accessed 3 Nov 2021.

The post Social Anxiety Disorder and Its Link to Trauma appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

The Perils of Emotionally Absent Parenting

Araminta — Thu, 22 Jul 2021 05:58:22 +0000

This phrase, if not spoken out loud, is one often thought by the children of emotionally absent (EA) parents. Children who are made to feel unloveable, that they are in the way, or feel they are sub-standard and unloved grow up with some pretty weak foundations and often view the world through skewed lenses.

Absent or unavailable is an umbrella term (not a medical term) used to describe parents who are uncaring, emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or generally display self-centred and cruel behaviours which can – and often do – tip into verbal and physical abuse.

Start typing the word toxic into any one of the big search engines, and you will find no shortage of survival guides to help you navigate and recover from what can be some very damaging treatment in your formative years. In fact, as soon as you type the letters “tox”, there is an array of choices from popular searches with options like toxic childhood stress. Can it really be that bad? Actually, it can.

What Is the Role of A Parent?

In the main clauses of the parent/child service level agreement sit obligations like food, shelter, clothing, and other basic material needs. Often, even the children of emotionally unavailable parents will have their needs in these areas met but is that enough? If you want a happy, confident, successful, and balanced child, then no.

In the next tier are the logistical clauses such as consistency and routine, which help children feel safe and in control. Included in the next tier of the unwritten parent manual comes praise, encouragement, helping to understand the importance of rules, honesty, and the concepts of caring, socialisation, and sharing. These life skills won’t prevent a child from surviving, but a lack of mastery over them will make it harder for them to forge their own healthy relationships and succeed in life.

As we reach the pinnacle, really competent parents will understand and make allowances for the concepts of gender difference, where a child sits in the family pecking order, and crucially, personality – taking these factors into account when ensuring that their mutual expectations are compatible. All of the tiers of this hierarchy should be running concurrently to ensure that the child’s basic human needs (see non-negotiables of the parent/child SLA) are met.

Nobody’s Perfect but Trying At the Very Least is Quite Important

One could argue that modern parenting requires today’s parents (and often those under the heading of non-traditional, which includes single parents) to manage more moving pieces than their earlier counterparts, especially if they are working.

Every parent will tell you that they make mistakes, but in the main, they manage to not damage their children too badly in the process of parenting, and this is where things differ with EA parents. The effects of toxic stress on the children of EA parents is extremely damaging and very real and can give rise to neurobiological and psychological damage.

The healthy development of a child “depends on adult caregivers, who are mediators of child development because infants depend on parents or other primary caregivers for physical and emotional care.” Their mandate is to provide the full spectrum of love and care and accept that their children are individuals with their own personalities and aspirations. They should ensure their children feel safe but not over-protected and guided but not controlled.

According to educator and author Michael Grose, “Families work well when they are guided democracies or benign dictatorships. Someone should be in charge of a family, and it’s a good idea if it’s parents!” Unfortunately for some children, the dictatorship is not so benign, with the concepts of firmness and nurturance, in reality, becoming a combination of cruel and neglectful. These actions aren’t one-offs but a pattern of behaviour that has a cumulative negative effect on the child, carrying into adulthood which can then create a generational pattern of behaviour.

All parents make mistakes, but the difference is that the average parent will acknowledge this, make amends and undertake to do better. This is not so with EA parents, who are often also narcissists who are only concerned with their own needs. Research found that adult children of narcissistic parents experience problems with substance abuse, mood disorder, PTSD, anxiety disorder, reported insecurity in relationships, and difficulty with intimacy. It’s important for parents to at least try to get parenting right, acknowledge when they’re not, and seek help.

How to Recognise if Your Childhood Was Unhealthy

You may have been controlled or manipulated or not had your boundaries respected, especially as you got older and were consistently told that everything was always your fault.

Here are some of the other signs that you were brought up in a harmful environment:

There was a role reversal in the child/parent relationship, which meant you had to parent your parent(s) or take on responsibility not appropriate for your age.
You were told that you deserved the physical abuse doled out to you because that was the only way you would learn or something similar.
You were forced to lie about your mistreatment under the threat of more punishment. This includes sexual and other physical abuse.
One or both of your parents competed with you. This is particularly common in father/son and mother/daughter relationships.
You were emotionally neglected or abused, perhaps being told things like you’re no good, ugly, or you need to try harder.
You often felt fearful, afraid to express yourself and challenge opinions, or were just afraid of your parents in general.
Love or any form of attention was conditional and therefore frequently withdrawn if you fell short of often unrealistic criteria.
You experienced a lack of understanding when you needed support and comfort the

You might not have realised that life, especially a child’s life, is not supposed to be like this because it was the only benchmark you had. This can especially be the case for over-protected children who are not allowed to go anywhere independent of their parent(s).

In other words, this is the only version of normal, you know.

Because of this, your blueprint for acceptable behaviours and forming bonds with people may also be compromised.

The Ongoing Effects of Emotionally Absent Parenting and Moving Forward

Coming to the realisation that what you viewed as normal was actually very unhealthy is the first step to getting help and support and finding liberation toward a new and healthier way of being. It will probably be imperative to you that you don’t carry on the legacy of this behaviour passed to you like a badly smoking torch. As is often the case, the abused can themselves become abusers as it’s all they’ve ever known. It can also explain why children of abusive and unavailable parents cling to them despite their mistreatment. It is crucial for a child’s self-worth and self-esteem to have their deepest emotional needs met and to be able to relate to parents on an emotional level. When they are instead met with detachment and constant criticism, it creates an atmosphere of stress and anticipation of punishment, which can have long-term effects on both physical and mental health due to the relentless environment of stress it creates. The good news is that with the appropriate care and support, you can move past this. You can put down that baggage and change the course of history, or even her story.

The post The Perils of Emotionally Absent Parenting appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Trauma and Low Self Esteem

steve — Fri, 14 Jun 2019 10:30:30 +0000

Do you feel like you spend a lot of your time worrying about how you are perceived by others? Do you often feel “less than”, or over-analyse each of your words and actions once you have left a situation? If you feel like this, it’s very possible that you are suffering from low self esteem that could be attributed to your trauma. A study done in 2018 which looked at the relationship between post-traumatic stress disorder and self-esteem found that the “higher the tendency for PTSD, the lower the self-esteem”. According to the study, “the onset of PTSD causes a decline in memory ability and attentional function, which interferes with one’s life and leads to self-denial, resulting in a decline in self-esteem”.

Examples of trauma related low self esteem:

Seeing people whispering and laughing and immediately thinking that they are talking or laughing about you.
When someone you consider to be an authority figure (parent, teacher, policeman, boss) asks you to talk to them, always feeling guilty and as though you’ve done something wrong, even when you haven’t.
Focusing on one negative comment when you may have received 5 positive ones.
Believing that people don’t want to spend time with you.
Not understanding why friends or partners would care about you, or love you.

Guide for improving your self esteem:

Be aware of negative thinking – It can be difficult to identify negative thinking patterns, however try to take the time to examine your thought processes. Slow yourself down and monitor what you think. In doing this you will be able to get an increased awareness of your thoughts and eventually you will see how they impact your mood and behaviours.

Slow the negative thoughts down:

It would be unrealistic to believe that you could completely switch off all negative thoughts. Often we are so used to telling ourselves negative things about ourselves, or catastrophising about our futures, that completely getting away from them would be near impossible. You may find that more you try to expel them from your consciousness, the stronger they get. Because of this, it is important that you learn ways to be able to distract yourself from these thoughts. There are many techniques that you can use such as mindfulness, deep breathing and yoga or other forms of exercise. It’s important to understand that distraction is not about avoidance and these methods won’t necessarily make these thoughts disappear. However, they may enable you to take a moment to reassess, give yourself some distance from the thoughts and slow them down which may make them easier to cope with.

Challenge your thought patterns:

If you have managed to slow your thoughts down and taken that step back, see if you can, with the distance you’ve put between yourself and the negative thoughts, challenge them. Normally you will find that you just accept your thoughts, without questioning their validity. When dealing with negative thought patterns, it can sometimes be really useful to ask yourself a few key questions about the thought, such as:

What is the evidence that proves this thought is the reality?
How are you feeling right now whilst you are having this thought?
Would you still have this thought if you felt differently, i.e. were happier, less stressed etc?
What would you tell someone you cared about to do if they told you they were having the same thought?
What might be a different explanation for the one you have in your head right now?

Positive affirmations:

At first positive affirmations can feel silly and awkward to do, but the more you practice them the easier they will become and the better you will start to feel about yourself. When you notice yourself slipping into the familiar negative thought patterns, try to counter them by telling yourself something positive about yourself and your life. List your accomplishments or the qualities you value in yourself, or if that’s too hard, the qualities you know others value in you. If it’s too hard at first to list how wonderful you are, focus on your life and the great things you have already done and what you have to look forward to in the future. Perhaps a walk or a coffee with friends in the next few days, or a trip you might be taking somewhere. You don’t only need to use positive affirmations when you are feeling really negative. In fact, it’s a great idea to practice them daily so you get used to talking to yourself in that way. Another tip is to write some down on a piece of paper and keep it in your wallet, so you can remind yourself when you are stuck.

Try not to get discouraged if you are struggling with any of these methods. Remember, not all coping strategies will work all the time. Some may work in a particular situation, and not in others. In fact, some listed here may never work for you. The key is to try them all until you find the ones that suit you.

Stop the cycle of merry-go-round treatment and find the solution you’re looking for in trauma treatment. Through effective residential treatment, Khiron House helps you find the path you need toward health and wellness in recovery. For information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

The post Trauma and Low Self Esteem appeared first on Khiron Clinics.