Self Care Archives - Khiron Clinics

What is Trauma Bonding?

Samuel Edgecox — Fri, 04 Aug 2023 08:00:52 +0000

Trauma bonding refers to a strong emotional attachment that develops between a person who is or has been abused and their abuser. This connection is based on the abusive experiences the victim has endured, whether it’s emotional or physical abuse. Despite being mistreated, the victim forms a bond with the abuser, often due to the cycle of abuse, which includes moments of reconciliation and calm after the abuse. These moments of peace create a false sense of safety and attachment, causing the victim to cling to the abuser even when the abuse resurfaces.

Trauma bonding has become an increasingly common term used in discussions about abuse, yet many misunderstand the whole meaning and experience that it describes. Understanding trauma bonding is crucial for helping those who have experienced abuse, as it explains why they may have complex and mixed feelings about their abusive relationships. Breaking free from trauma bonding and healing from the effects of abuse means recognising the signs and seeking professional support from abuse experts and therapists.

The Cycle

The psychological phenomenon known as Stockholm syndrome or trauma bonding has been observed in various situations like intimate partner violence, child abuse, hostage scenarios, human trafficking, and cults. It involves victims developing emotional attachments to their abusers or captors as a result of interpersonal trauma 1. This develops through a cycle of abuse. The cycle of abuse has been widely researched and critiqued, some agree with the four stages, and others do not, with many abuse survivors highlighting that this does not mirror their experience. The 4 stages are as follows:

Tensions Build

Abusive partners react to external stressors, leading to mounting tension and feelings of powerlessness, anger, and paranoia. You may try to placate them to avoid abuse, becoming hyper alert to their needs while feeling anxious and on guard.

Incident of Abuse or Violence

The abuser seeks to regain control by releasing tension on others. This abuse can manifest as insults, threats, attempts to control, physical violence, or emotional manipulation. The abuser may blame you for the abuse, but remember, they are responsible for their actions.

Reconciliation

Following the abuse, the abuser enters a “honeymoon” stage, trying to move past the incident with kindness and loving gestures. These actions trigger bonding hormones, leading you to believe the relationship is back on track.

Calm

Both parties seek to maintain peace, often justifying or denying the abuse. The abuser might apologise while blaming others or point to external factors to excuse their behaviour. You may begin to accept their excuses and doubt the severity of the abuse.

This cycle repeats over time, with the length between repetitions varying and often shortening as the abuse escalates. The calm period may diminish or disappear entirely as the abuse intensifies over time. Recognizing this cycle is crucial for those experiencing abuse to break free and seek help for a healthier, safer future.’

A Closer Look

There are, however, a number of problems with the way this cycle depicts abuse and it may not be appropriate for all cases. The model was designed following anecdotal research on women who experienced domestic abuse 2, and as such it centres on women abused by men. This makes it difficult to recognize the experiences of individuals who don’t fit this traditional gendered model. This can lead to doubt and dismissal when survivors seek support from professionals and loved ones who are limited in their understanding of abuse.

Additionally, the cycle of abuse model can foster victim-blaming, as it suggests that abuse always follows a predictable pattern. This can place blame on the survivor, leading them to doubt their experiences and feel responsible for the abuser’s actions. In reality, responsibility for abuse lies solely with the abuser, regardless of the survivor’s actions or attempts to placate the abuser.

The model has also been described as outdated as it primarily focuses on physical violence, while abuse can also involve other nonphysical tactics such as financial control, emotional manipulation, and verbal degradation. These nonphysical forms of abuse can be equally damaging and impactful, and often harder to recognise.

Finally, the model suggests that abuse can be predicted, but in reality, abuse often occurs without warning. Many people may not recognize the early signs of abuse, and abusers may begin their harmful behaviour gradually and subtly. Limiting awareness to specific steps, gender, community, or background can also overlook other abusive situations.

While the cycle of abuse model may offer some helpful insights, it is essential to approach abuse with a broader and more inclusive perspective, acknowledging the diverse manifestations of abuse and focusing on holding abusers accountable for their actions.

Seeking Support

Seeking professional support for trauma bonding is a crucial step towards healing and breaking free from the cycle of abusive relationships. Trauma bonding can be highly complex and challenging to overcome, making professional guidance essential for addressing its effects on emotional well-being and behaviour.

Trauma-Informed Therapy: Individual therapy with a licensed mental health professional can provide a safe and confidential space to explore your experiences, feelings, and thoughts related to trauma bonding. Therapy can help you gain insight into the dynamics of the abusive relationship, identify patterns of behaviour, and develop healthier coping strategies. Consider finding a therapist who specialises in trauma-informed therapy. They are trained to work with individuals who have experienced trauma and can help you process and work through the emotional impact of trauma bonding. Trauma-focused modalities such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can help to address and process the deep-rooted effects of trauma bonding.

Support Groups: Participating in support groups for survivors of abuse or trauma bonding can be beneficial. Being part of a supportive community can help you feel understood and less alone, providing an opportunity to share experiences and learn from others who have faced similar challenges.

Safety Planning: If you are still in an abusive relationship or concerned about your safety, a professional can help you create a safety plan. This plan can include steps to protect yourself and establish boundaries, such as seeking legal assistance or accessing local resources for survivors of abuse.

Educational Resources: Therapists can provide educational resources on codependency, trauma bonding, and healthy relationship dynamics. Understanding the psychological aspects of trauma bonding can aid in breaking free.

Self-Care Strategies: A mental health professional can help you develop self-care strategies to rebuild your sense of self-worth and self-compassion. Self-care practices can support your emotional healing journey.

Long-Term Healing: Recognize that healing from trauma bonding is a gradual process. It may require ongoing support and patience as you work towards breaking free from the cycle and rebuilding your life.

Remember that seeking professional help is a courageous and essential step towards regaining control of your life and well-being. A skilled and compassionate therapist can provide the support, guidance, and tools needed to heal from trauma bonding and create a healthier future.

End Notes

Casassa, Knight, L., & Mengo, C. (2022). Trauma Bonding Perspectives From Service Providers and Survivors of Sex Trafficking: A Scoping Review. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 23(3), 969–984. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838020985542
Walker. (2009). The battered woman syndrome (3rd ed.). Springer Pub. Co.

The post What is Trauma Bonding? appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Understanding Types of Boundaries and Why They’re So Important in Trauma Recovery

Samuel Edgecox — Fri, 14 Jul 2023 08:00:03 +0000

In the realm of mental health, there are certain “buzzwords” that have gained popularity but are not always properly understood. Terms like self-care, regulation, mindfulness, grounding, and boundaries have become widely used, yet their therapeutic significance may not be fully appreciated by everyone.

Personal boundaries encompass the limits and guidelines we establish within relationships, outlining what is deemed acceptable and unacceptable. Boundaries are crucial because they protect our well-being, help us to stay physically, emotionally, and psychologically safe, and promote healthy relationships. They establish a sense of personal autonomy, ensuring that our needs and values are respected. Boundaries enable us to communicate our preferences and maintain and establish mutual respect. They play a vital role in maintaining balance, fostering self-care, and creating healthier interactions with others.

Types of Boundaries

Typically, people possess a blend of boundary types, as boundaries can vary depending on the nature of the relationship. For instance, someone might exhibit healthy boundaries within their family dynamics, porous boundaries in a professional setting, and rigid boundaries when it comes to romantic relationships.

Each boundary type is characterised by distinct traits, and it can be beneficial to identify the specific type that applies to your relationships.

Individuals with rigid boundaries:

Keep others at arm’s length.
Struggle with emotional closeness.
Experience difficulty in seeking assistance.
Tend to be sceptical or mistrustful of others.
Frequently detach themselves from others’ issues or challenges.

Individuals with porous boundaries:

Often feel taken advantage of.
Share personal information excessively or extend themselves beyond reasonable limits.
Rely heavily on the opinions of others.
Place excessive trust in others.
Encounter difficulties in saying no and asserting their own needs.

Individuals with healthy boundaries:

Feel comfortable setting boundaries and saying no when necessary.
Uphold their values and principles without compromising them to please others.
Effectively express their desires and needs through communication.
Offer support to others while maintaining a healthy level of involvement and personal impact.
Acknowledge conflicts as a natural aspect of life and handle them constructively.

Understanding the various types of boundaries can help individuals recognize their own patterns and make informed adjustments in their relationships. It allows for greater self-awareness and the development of healthier and more fulfilling connections with others.

Significance of Boundaries in Trauma Recovery

Experiencing trauma can profoundly affect our ability to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships. Trauma often undermines people’s capacity to be vulnerable, as it may not feel safe. This can cause people to suppress or ignore their needs and feelings for self-protection. Asserting ourselves and saying “no” can become difficult due to a range of factors that depend on the trauma. It may be a result of distorted agency, fear of conflict, or intense guilt. Survivors can often prioritise others’ needs over their own, leading to the feeling that they are trapped in patterns of people-pleasing behaviour.

Having a loss of trust in people – particularly if a survivor was betrayed by a trusted person during childhood – further erodes the belief that setting boundaries is possible or helpful. Some people may have learned that no matter what they do, people always step over their boundaries and that setting them is pointless. Overcoming these challenges requires letting go of defence mechanisms, recognising our needs, and seeking support to heal and regain control.

Boundaries are essential in trauma recovery, helping to build feelings of trust in yourself, and a sense of self worth – that you are deserving of a safe and comfortable environment. They are also an essential part of avoiding triggers that you are not yet ready to face. Particularly in the months following a traumatic event, although for some people this can last years, sounds, smells, sights, feelings and places that remind you of the trauma in some way can cause an uncontrolled reaction. This might range from serious discomfort, fear and sadness, to intense flashbacks, where you feel as if you are re-living the trauma again. Giving yourself permission to set certain parameters that keep you safe is a normal and justified part of recovery. Whether it means meeting people in different places, taking different routes or modes of transport, or setting more interpersonal boundaries with people in your life, these changes could help you maintain a much-needed sense of control while you receive treatment for PTSD or the reactions from the acute phase of trauma recovery become desensitised.

How to Set Boundaries

Finding out what kind of boundaries you have in different situations is a helpful way to begin the process of learning to set more helpful and impactful boundaries. Here are some other helpful

Define Your Boundaries: Take time to identify and define your personal boundaries. Some people choose to do this through self reflection and journaling, while others prefer the support of a therapist. Reflect on your values, needs, and limits in different areas of your life, such as relationships, work, personal space, hobbies, socialising, and anything related to the traumatic experience.

Communicate Clearly: Learning to articulate your boundaries to others in a clear and assertive manner is key to ensuring you maintain a sense of control and respect. This means being direct and specific about what is safe and acceptable to you and what is not. One method for doing this is to state how something makes you feel using an “I” statement, such as: “I feel uncomfortable when touch my shoulder”, and then follow with what you would like to happen, for example: “Please check before touching me in the future”. This ensures that people understand your needs clearly, and makes it less that they will feel personally attacked for doing something wrong.

Enforce Boundaries: Once you have set your boundaries, it is crucial to enforce them consistently. Be firm and assertive when others try to push or disregard your boundaries. Stand your ground and do not compromise on what you have defined as important to you. You can use the same method as before, reminding the person of how something makes you feel, and what you would like to happen.

Practice Self-Care: Setting boundaries also involves having compassion and taking care of yourself. Prioritise self-care activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Actively reflect on what your needs are and what situations or stimulus might be causing you stress or discomfort. This will strengthen your ability to maintain boundaries and communicate them effectively to others.

Remember, setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It requires self-awareness, self-advocacy, and the willingness to prioritise your own needs. By setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, you can foster healthier relationships, protect your overall well-being and lessen the burden of the trauma recovery process.

The post Understanding Types of Boundaries and Why They’re So Important in Trauma Recovery appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Exploring the Cost of Living Crisis and Its Impact on Financial Anxiety

Samuel Edgecox — Fri, 23 Jun 2023 07:30:25 +0000

It is widely known that environmental factors and stressful life events can impact mental health. As food, fuel, and transport costs increase, many people must choose between ‘heating and heating.’ The Food Foundation has reported that over 7 million adults experienced food insecurity in the last month 1. This financial instability can harm mental and physical health, causing stress, anxiety, and worsening existing mental health struggles.

The uncertainty and overwhelm of the cost of living crisis can cause both acute and sustained stress, leading to uncontrolled low mood and even depression and panic attacks.

The Science of Stress and Safety

Although genetic factors may contribute to an individual’s vulnerability to mental illness, it is essential to recognise that biology does not solely determine mental health. Various aspects, such as the circumstances in which people are born, raised, and reside, also significantly influence their mental and physical well-being. These factors are commonly referred to as social determinants of health.

Health and socioeconomic status exist on a continuum, with individuals in the lowest socioeconomic positions experiencing the most adverse health consequences. In contrast, those in the highest positions tend to have the best outcomes. Consequently, disparities in social conditions give rise to inequalities in health.

How Does Financial Status Influence the Social Determinants of Mental Health?

Financial difficulties can lead to chronic stress and limit healthy choices in various aspects of life. The impact of rising living costs extends beyond concerns about affordability; it can result in decisions restricting social interactions or leading to excessive work 2.

Instability in housing is connected to insomnia, stress, anxiety, and depression. Individuals with mental health conditions are more likely to reside in rented or substandard housing than the general population, exacerbating their existing challenges.

Fuel poverty, which refers to the inability to afford adequate home heating, is associated with poor maternal mental health. Additionally, it can contribute to other factors, such as limited transportation for socialising and attending appointments.

The consequences of the increasing cost of living affect those responsible for paying the bills and children living in poverty. These children face a higher risk of experiencing adverse childhood experiences, which strongly correlate with mental health issues in adulthood and an increased likelihood of other problems like substance misuse.

What Insights Have We Gained From Previous Economic Events?

Research on the 2008 economic recession has revealed a detrimental impact on mental health in the UK and globally. In England, the recession was linked to a rise in male suicide rates among the general population and individuals already facing mental health issues 3.

More recently, studies conducted during the Covid-19 pandemic indicated that 44% of adults in the UK with mental health problems, who fell behind on their bills, either contemplated or attempted suicide 4.

This shows how important it is that we take mental well-being into consideration during this challenging time.

How to Look After Mental Health During This Time

Taking care of your mental health during financial difficulties is crucial. Here are some strategies to consider:

Seek support: Contact trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Share your concerns and emotions with them, as talking about your difficulties can provide emotional relief.

Create a budget: Develop a budget to gain better control over your finances. Understand your income, expenses, and prioritise essential items. This can help alleviate stress and provide a clearer picture of your financial situation.

Seek professional advice: Consult financial advisors or credit counsellors who can provide guidance on managing your finances effectively. They can help you develop strategies to reduce debt, negotiate with creditors, or explore potential financial assistance programs.

Practice self-care: Engage in activities that you know reduce your stress levels. Exercising regularly, eating a healthy and balanced diet, getting plenty of rest, and participating in activities you enjoy can all lead to a more positive mood. Taking good care of your physical health can positively impact your mental well-being.

Mindful media consumption: As the world seems more intense than ever, 24-hour news cycles can harm our mood and perspective. Mindful news watching is essential for protecting mental health. By practicing awareness and discernment, we can choose balanced and reliable news sources, limit exposure to distressing content, and take breaks when needed. This helps maintain a healthy perspective, reduce anxiety, and promote overall well-being in the face of overwhelming news cycles.

Set realistic goals: Break down your financial goals into manageable steps. Set achievable targets and celebrate small victories along the way. This can help you maintain motivation and a sense of control over your situation.

Focus on what you can control: While financial difficulties may be challenging, concentrate on the aspects you have control over. Direct your energy towards finding solutions and taking proactive steps to improve your situation.

Practice mindfulness and stress management: Engage in mindfulness exercises, meditation, deep breathing techniques, or other stress-reducing activities. These practices can help you stay present, reduce anxiety, and improve overall mental well-being.

Seek assistance for mental health: If you struggle with persistent feelings of anxiety, depression, or distress, consider seeking professional help. Mental health professionals can provide support, guidance, and appropriate treatment options.

It’s important to prioritise your mental health during challenging times. You can navigate financial difficulties while protecting your mental well-being by seeking support, managing your finances effectively, practising self-care, and seeking professional help when needed.

Endnotes

https://foodfoundation.org.uk/press-release/millions-adults-missing-meals-cost-living-crisis-bites
https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/world-mental-health-day-rising-cost-of-living-and-mental-health/
Ibrahim, S., Hunt, I., Rahman, M., Shaw, J., Appleby, L., & Kapur, N. (2019). Recession, recovery and suicide in mental health patients in England: Time trend analysis. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 215(4), 608-614. doi:10.1192/bjp.2019.119
https://mmhpistage.wpengine.com/publications/the-state-were-in/

The post Exploring the Cost of Living Crisis and Its Impact on Financial Anxiety appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Journalling For Trauma Recovery

Araminta — Fri, 28 Oct 2022 06:00:52 +0000

Journalling is highly beneficial for many mental health conditions, but especially for those dealing with past trauma. Writing about specific symptoms, thoughts, and feelings helps people make connections and understand them more and provides a space to explore difficult things that can be challenging to talk about.

The Science of Journalling

There has been a lot of research into how writing things down can have major benefits. Studies have found that writing negative emotions in a journal can boost the immune system and improve physical healing. Focusing on gratitude when journalling can also help those with a history of trauma focus on the positives as they heal.^[1]

Journalling has also been proven to reduce anxiety and mental distress. One study found that those who journalled for fifteen minutes three days per week had fewer depressive and anxious symptoms after just one month.^[2]

Writing and journalling can also help encourage people to reach out for help and improve emotional regulation. Expressive writing can help to decrease symptoms of depression, and focusing on deeper thoughts and feelings can have more benefits than recording daily experiences in a diary.

Physical health can also be improved by journalling. A New Zealand study found that people who wrote about their feelings and any upset after undergoing a biopsy healed faster.

However, it has also been noted that writing about negative emotions can potentially increase feelings of anxiety and depression. Incorporating gratitude into journalling can significantly reduce symptoms of depression, which helps to strengthen positive recall. By paying more attention to good things rather than challenges or barriers, people can feel more positive and more resilient to adversity.

Trauma and Journalling

Keeping a journal has proven benefits for those struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Writing in a journal, or keeping a digital journal, can help people understand their emotions and experiences and provides a space to explore difficult topics.

Research from 2015 suggests that expressive writing about traumatic events can help people manage symptoms of PTSD.^[3] Labelling emotions and acknowledging the traumatic event can help people make sense of their trauma, organise their thoughts and experiences, and improve memory. Detailing upsetting events and writing about the emotions or physical reactions that surfaced also helps people pinpoint their triggers and identify better ways to manage them.

Writing about traumatic experiences can also be extremely cathartic. Some people may actively avoid talking about their experiences to avoid painful emotions, but this can have more negative consequences. Even if they are not ready to open up to others, a journal can help them process events and gain a new perspective.

However, journalling about a traumatic experience or focusing on deep thoughts and feelings can be triggering. Journalling immediately after a traumatic event may also worsen symptoms. In some cases, it may be more beneficial to focus on things outside of a traumatic experience, such as gratitude or future planning, and come back to difficult topics with help from a mental health professional.

How To Start Journalling

If you want to start a journal, it can be difficult to know where to begin. Some people prefer pen and paper, and some prefer a digital document or app to keep all their entries in order. Both physical and digital journals have the same benefits, so choosing a suitable medium is the first step.

When you begin journaling start small; set aside a few minutes every day. Journalling sessions can be as long as half an hour, but even five minutes can help build a regular practice. Find a quiet space to start and try to limit distractions. Perfect silence is not necessary, but a calm environment can help when you start a journal or write about a difficult topic. It can also be helpful to take some time to sit and reflect on a topic or question before writing.

Journal entries do not need a particular structure. Sometimes, just writing down whatever comes to mind, such as recurring negative thoughts, can be incredibly beneficial. However, for those who struggle with free writing, prompts can help get you started. These can include questions such as:

What are three things you are grateful for today, and why?
What challenges have you faced in the last week, and how did you handle them?
Describe a significant memory or event in your life, and consider how it has affected you.
List three things that you would like others to know about you.
What difficult emotions do you encounter frequently?

Finding time to journal every day can help to embed it as a habit and coping strategy when managing challenging emotions. However, people do not have to journal daily to see the benefits. Writing for three or four days a week can still help people better regulate their emotions and process traumatic events.

Journalling is just one aspect of healing from trauma and is not a cure-all. It should be combined with other strategies to get the most benefits, such as:

A healthy diet
Regular exercise
Professional help and therapy

Keeping a journal is an accessible way for people to express their thoughts and emotions. It is easily incorporated into daily life and can take as little as a few minutes a day. When combined with other modalities, such as somatic experiencing, it can help trauma survivors process their thoughts and feelings in a structured, healthy way.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with anything you have read in this blog, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential program and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

^[1] Iodice JA, Malouff JM, Schutte NS (2021) The Association between Gratitude and Depression: A Meta-Analysis. Int J Depress Anxiety 4:024. doi.org/10.23937/2643-4059/1710024

^[2] Smyth JM, Johnson JA, Auer BJ, Lehman E, Talamo G, Sciamanna CN. Online Positive Affect journaling in the Improvement of Mental Distress and Well-Being in General Medical Patients With Elevated Anxiety Symptoms: A Preliminary Randomized Controlled Trial. JMIR Ment Health. 2018 Dec 10;5(4):e11290. doi: 10.2196/11290. PMID: 30530460; PMCID: PMC6305886.

^[3] Sloan DM, Sawyer AT, Lowmaster SE, Wernick J, Marx BP. Efficacy of Narrative Writing as an Intervention for PTSD: Does the Evidence Support Its Use? J Contemp Psychother. 2015 Dec;45(4):215-225. doi: 10.1007/s10879-014-9292-x. Epub 2015 May 14. PMID: 26640295; PMCID: PMC4669193.

The post Journalling For Trauma Recovery appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

How To Cope With Feelings of Grief and Loss

Araminta — Fri, 04 Feb 2022 06:00:59 +0000

Grief and loss are painful emotions that everyone will likely experience at some point. Factors including your relationship with the deceased and the manner of their death may influence feelings, such as confusion, shock, anger, or a blend of emotions that could leave you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.

Although it may not seem like it, these feelings are normal. Grief is a complex feeling, and there is no right or wrong way to experience it. After all, grief is extremely personal, and no two people will feel the exact same way.

What Does Grief Look Like?

Everyone feels grief and loss differently. Some may seem fine on the outside when they are internally struggling to cope with their emotions in reality. There are many aspects of grief. However, there are five distinct stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.^[1]

However, as touched on above, this may not be the same for everyone. It’s also important to acknowledge that grief can manifest in many reactions, emotions, and even physical symptoms, including:

Anxiety
Depression
Fatigue
Guilt
Insomnia
Loneliness

It is also common to feel a sense of relief after a loved one passes away, especially if they have been unwell for quite some time. Though this can cause feelings of intense guilt, it is a normal response. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care about their death or didn’t love them – it means that you are glad they are no longer suffering.

Several types of grief, including traumatic and anticipatory grief, can stem from different events, such as a prolonged illness or sudden death of a loved one.

Traumatic Grief

Traumatic grief is intense and can be debilitating for those experiencing it. It often derives from the sudden death of a loved one who may have lost their life as a result of:

An accident
Homicide
Overdose
Suicide

Those who experience traumatic grief can struggle to accept their loved one’s passing. They may exhibit symptoms such as pining for the deceased, find themselves unable to focus on anything but the death, and experience emotional numbness.

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is similar to the suffering experienced after a loss. However, it starts before death. When a loved one has a terminal illness or has been unwell for a long time, people experience anticipatory grief. For some, anticipatory grief can help them say goodbye to their loved ones and prepare for their passing.^[2]

However, this form of grief can also be accompanied by anger and loss of emotional control.^[3] It can also be more stressful than conventional grief.

How To Cope With Grief

After the death of a loved one, it can often seem that there is no end to the loss you feel. However, there are ways to cope with these feelings of grief and loss. Although these coping strategies may not alleviate the emotions encountered entirely, they can make them seem more bearable.

Reach Out to Someone

Talking to family or friends about your loved one can help you process your emotions and think about the good times. Remember that you don’t have to be strong for others – it’s okay to show your true feelings to those who share your grief.

However, if you are not prepared for this yet, that’s okay. Meet up with friends for coffee and catch up or a walk around the park. You don’t have to talk about your grief if you don’t feel ready.

Discussing grief and loss with a therapist or bereavement counsellor can help you process your emotions. There are also support groups available to those struggling with grief, giving you a community of others who have experienced similar losses and who can help you during this challenging time.

Give Yourself Time

Grief doesn’t disappear, but over time, you will find it easier to manage. Giving yourself time to process and grieve fully will help you to cope with your feelings.

Some people find it better to take it one day at a time, as this allows them to focus solely on getting through each day. Others prefer to keep busy and stick to a plan, as it gives them structure and activities to complete.

When it comes to giving yourself time, there is no right or wrong. Some may need to keep busy for the first several weeks and then take a break to grieve, and vice versa.

Confront Your Emotions

It may be tempting to suppress grief so that you don’t feel the pain that it causes. However, this can inhibit your healing. With this in mind, it is essential to give yourself space to confront your emotions.

Journalling is a creative way to express your emotions. It can additionally help you to process them and acknowledge the pain. Alternatively, speaking to a therapist or bereavement counsellor is suitable for working through your emotions and beginning the healing process.

Get Some Fresh Air

Exercise won’t stop you from grieving, but it can give you a slight distraction, at least for a little while. For those experiencing physical symptoms of fatigue and insomnia due to grief, leaving the house and going for a walk or jog can be intimidating. However, it may help ease the symptoms encountered.

This is because exercise is a natural mood-enhancer that can help you feel a little better, even after a loss. Make sure to look after yourself in other ways too. For example, eat well, get enough sleep, and stay connected to your loved ones. Your mind and body are interconnected, and if you’re physically healthy, you’ll be able to cope mentally.

Conclusion

Coping with grief and loss can be a case of trial and error. What works for others may not work for you. As long as you remain healthy and do not turn to substances to numb the pain, there is no right way to cope. Remember that there isn’t a timeline for accepting your loss and moving on – it may take longer than you think, and that’s okay.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with feelings of grief and loss, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential program and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

^[1] Newman L. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. BMJ. 2004;329(7466):627.

^[2] Reynolds L, Botha D. Anticipatory grief: Its nature, impact, and reasons for contradictory findings. Counselling, Psychotherapy, and Health. 2006;2(2):15-26.

^[3] Gilliland G, Fleming S. A Comparison of Spousal Anticipatory Grief and Conventional Grief. Death Stud. 1998;22(6):541-569. doi:10.1080/074811898201399

The post How To Cope With Feelings of Grief and Loss appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Understanding Attachment Styles Part IIII: Disorganised-Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Fri, 28 Jan 2022 05:30:31 +0000

Disorganised attachment is an unhealthy attachment style that can lead to various personal and professional problems in a person’s life. This attachment style is the only disorganised one, with the three other styles – secure, anxious, and avoidant – all having secure characteristics.

In the final part of our four-part series on attachment styles, we will be covering the least well known of all the attachment styles – disorganised attachment.

Signs of Disorganised Attachment

Sometimes called fearful-avoidant attachment, disorganised attachment has several signs, including:

Extreme fear of rejection
Difficulty connecting to others
Feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy
Desiring closeness but pushing others away
Chaotic or intense relationship patterns

Children with a disorganised attachment style may struggle to reach the same cognitive milestones as securely attached children. Children may also have trust issues, as their caregiver may have violated their trust multiple times.

Adults with a disorganised attachment style often fear that anyone they let close to them will hurt them. As a result, they push many people away. Adults with this attachment style may think that rejection is inevitable no matter what they do and therefore shy away from any relationship, be it romantic or platonic.

Furthermore, disorganised adults usually negatively perceive themselves and other people. Research has also found that people with this attachment style are more likely to develop depression and social anxiety.^[1] Some studies additionally suggest that those with disorganised attachment are more likely to develop substance use disorders and demonstrate aggressive behaviour.

In addition to the above, further research into the fearful-avoidant attachment style has revealed that this particular type of attachment may influence how people view sex and intimacy. One study found that people with a disorganised attachment style were more likely to have more sexual partners throughout their lives and were more likely to consent to sex, even when they did not want it.^[2] This may be due to a combined desire for intimacy and emotional distance, with the disorganised individual engaging in casual relationships to hold others at arm’s length.

Causes of Disorganised Attachment

When babies are born, they immediately bond with their parents or caregivers. These caregivers cater to their physical and emotional needs, providing a safe space for the child to return to. However, if the caregiver does not provide a safe space for the child when they are distressed, the child cannot form a secure bond and will instead develop an insecure attachment style.

Children may also develop a disorganised attachment style if their parent or caregiver exhibits frightening behaviour. This behaviour may include physical, emotional, sexual abuse, or shouting at the child instead of providing reassurance for any fears and distress. Other responses that may contribute towards a disorganised attachment style include:

Laughing at a child in distress
Shouting at a child to stop them crying
Only soothing a child very briefly before losing patience and shouting
Ignoring a child’s cries for long periods at a time

The disorganised attachment style was the last attachment style to be identified by researchers. Psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth were instrumental in identifying secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment, but researchers Main and Solomon later added disorganised attachment in 1986.^[3]

Coping With Disorganised Attachment

Many people may not realise that they have a disorganised attachment style. Although it can be challenging to cope with, there are ways to improve and change this attachment style to a more secure form. For those with disorganised attachment, there are several ways to help:

Become educated – Read into disorganised attachment and identify some of the traits. This enables adults to gain insight into some patterns that may influence their relationships and inner dialogue.
Improve communication – To improve communication, adults should speak more openly about what makes them anxious in a relationship. They should also seek reassurance when needed.
Talk to a therapist – Attachment is intrinsically linked to trauma. If a child does not have their most basic needs for affection and love met, this can stay with them for years, and the world can be overwhelming, even as an adult. Talking to a therapist can help people feel more connected to themselves and help them connect to others as well.

However, a disorganised person may have trouble opening up, even to a therapist. It may feel too close to intimacy, and they could withdraw and refuse to attend sessions after only a few weeks.^[4] This reluctance can be improved by seeking a therapist with experience in treating the root causes of disorganised attachment.

Healing from a disorganised attachment style is a challenging but worthwhile process. The ability to form healthy relationships can positively impact many people’s lives for the better for years to come.

Conclusion

A disorganised attachment style can make it incredibly difficult to form and maintain relationships. It can stem from childhood abuse, trauma, or an emotionally unavailable or distant caregiver. However, it is possible to heal and change a disorganised attachment style by engaging in therapy and self-reflection to identify negative thought patterns and learn how to alter them.

Sources:

^[1] Murphy B, Bates GW. Adult attachment style and vulnerability to depression. Pers Individ Dif. 1997;22(6):835-844. doi:10.1016/s0191-8869(96)00277-2

^[2] Favez N, Tissot H. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: A Specific Impact on Sexuality? J Sex Marital Ther. 2019;45(6):510-523. doi:10.1080/0092623x.2019.1566946

^[3] Main, M. & Solomon, J. (1986) Discovery of a new, insecure-disorganized/disoriented attachment pattern. In T. B. Brazelton & M. Yogman (Eds), Affective development in infancy , pp. 95-124. Norwood, New Jersey: Ablex.

^[4] Reis S, Grenyer BFS. Fearful attachment, working alliance and treatment response for individuals with major depression. Clin Psychol Psychother. 2004;11(6):414-424. doi:10.1002/cpp.428

The post Understanding Attachment Styles Part IIII: Disorganised-Insecure Attachment appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Understanding Attachment Styles Part III: Avoidant-Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Fri, 21 Jan 2022 05:30:45 +0000

As with other attachment styles, the avoidant-insecure attachment style develops in early childhood. Sometimes known simply as avoidant attachment or dismissive attachment, children with this attachment style can become very independent – unhealthily so.

Avoidant attachment is one of four attachment styles, the others being secure, anxious, and disorganised. Find out more about the avoidant-insecure attachment style here, or read more about the other attachment styles in our latest blogs.

Characteristics of Avoidant-Insecure Attachment

Children with an avoidant-insecure attachment style may show a lack of desire for closeness and love on the surface, but inside they often struggle with feelings of stress and anxiety. They may reject contact with their primary caregiver whilst also wanting to be near them simultaneously.

In the 1970s, Mary Ainsworth’s Strange Situation assessment reviewed how infants reacted when their mother left the room and a stranger entered. She observed that infants with an avoidant-insecure attachment style were outwardly calm when their mother left but avoided contact with her when she returned.^[1]

As an adult, those with an avoidant attachment style often display traits, such as:

Navigating difficult situations alone, even when offered support
Suppressing pessimistic emotions
Avoiding emotional intimacy in relationships
Withdrawing from difficult conversations or events
Focusing only on their own needs and comfort
Having high self-esteem but a negative view of others around them

Adults with an avoidant attachment style may also find it challenging to communicate their needs in their friendships and relationships.^[2] Nevertheless, they may enjoy the company of others and have many friends, yet work hard to avoid letting people in as they feel as though they do not or should not need to rely on anyone.

The avoidant adult may engage in romantic relationships but use various tactics to ensure that they do not progress further than surface level. For example, they may use excuses of having to work late to avoid seeing their partners or fail to support their partners through emotionally challenging times.

Causes of Avoidant Attachment

Babies and young children signal their needs by crying or reaching out to their primary caregiver. However, when their caregiver rejects their signals and ignores them, they may learn to repress any needs for comfort when they feel upset. Unresponsive caregivers can cause children to develop an avoidant attachment style as they are consistently discouraged from expressing emotion and realise that they will receive no support.

Although an avoidant parent may care for their child’s physical needs, such as food, clothing, and shelter, overlooking their emotional needs significantly impacts how their attachment develops. In the 1950s, Harry Harlow conducted a study in which he gave baby monkeys the choice of spending time with two inanimate mothers – a soft cloth mother or a wire mother with food.

The baby monkeys spent most of their time with the cloth mothers, only going to the wire mother for food. This demonstrated the importance of receiving comfort and warmth during early childhood and how children form attachment through more than being fed and housed.^[3]

If a parent or caregiver of a child has an avoidant-insecure attachment style, they may:

Refuse to acknowledge their child when they cry
Physically separates from their child when they are fearful or distressed
Have an avoidant attachment style themselves
Repeatedly tell their child to toughen up or grow up when they are upset

Parents may also be struggling, and having a baby who needs a lot of emotional attention can be overwhelming. Caregivers may then become distant and emotionally unavailable from their child, which the child gradually picks up on.

If you are a parent, you can assist your child in developing a secure attachment style rather than an avoidant attachment style by ensuring that you meet their basic needs and engage with them when they show signs of fear or distress. Some parents refuse to hold their children as they cry due to a fear of spoiling them, but by ignoring them or letting them ‘cry it out’, the child may grow up with an avoidant attachment style.

Support and Help

Those with an avoidant attachment style can seek help and succeed in changing their attachment style. For example, those with an avoidant attachment style can attend therapy, which will enable them to develop a greater capacity for emotional intimacy and assess where their attachment style stems from.

By attending therapy, those with unhealthy attachment styles can work towards becoming securely attached. This can take a long time and a lot of hard work. Still, it allows individuals to develop greater insight into their relationships and become more aware of how they experience attachment.

During therapy, the avoidant adult must take steps to understand their emotional needs and assess their existing patterns of behaviour. When do they begin to pull away from emotional closeness? Is there a consistent trigger? Once these questions have been addressed, they can start developing a plan to let people into their lives.

Couples with differing attachment styles may consistently clash about the same topic. Although it may seem surface level, this issue can run deeper. As a result, it may benefit couples to attend therapy sessions with a couples counsellor. Fostering a healthy relationship takes time and effort, but it can support those with an avoidant attachment style and enable them to understand how secure, emotionally intimate relationships can aid their lives.

Conclusion

Those with an avoidant-insecure attachment style can often struggle to let people get close to them. They frequently feel they do not need to rely on anyone, and when people try to rely on them, they can fail to support them. However, there are ways that people can learn to combat these avoidant behaviours and transition to a healthier, more secure attachment style.

Sources:

^[1] Ainsworth MD, Bell SM. Attachment, exploration, and separation: Illustrated by the behavior of one-year-olds in a strange situation. Child Dev. 1970;41(1):49-67. doi:10.2307/1127388

^[2] Simpson JA, Rholes WS. Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006

^[3] Harlow HF. The nature of love. American Psychologist. 1958;13(12):673-685. doi:10.1037/h0047884

The post Understanding Attachment Styles Part III: Avoidant-Insecure Attachment appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Understanding Attachment Styles Part II: Anxious-Insecure Attachment

Araminta — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 05:30:33 +0000

Influenced primarily by parents or caregivers, attachment styles shape how people function as children and adults. Amongst the various attachment styles that can develop is anxious-insecure attachment.

Also known as ambivalent attachment, this attachment style can be incredibly unhealthy and affect all aspects of a person’s life.

Causes of Anxious Attachment

Research shows that early life experiences have significant control over the attachment style a child develops. For example, those with an anxious attachment style may have experienced inconsistent parenting during their younger years. This may have seen a parent or caregiver be attentive and nurturing at times and cold and emotionally unavailable at others.

An example of inconsistent parenting includes events in which parents may have attempted not to spoil a child by refusing to pick them up as and when they cried. If children do not know what to expect from their caregivers and cannot be certain that their needs and wants will be reacted to, they can become confused, insecure, and clingy.

In addition to inconsistent parenting, several childhood experiences may place children at an increased risk of developing an anxious attachment style, such as:

Abuse or neglect
Early separation from a parent or caregiver, such as divorce
Having a parent or caregiver who appeared annoyed when the child was in distress

The Strange Situation

Many studies, such as ‘The Strange Situation’, a procedure developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s,^[1] have focused on attachment styles. This particular experiment examined how children between 9 and 18 months reacted when their mother left the room and a stranger entered.

During this study, Ainsworth reviewed the behaviours of the children at all stages, including if they explored or searched for their mother and how they maintained or avoided contact. In doing so, she identified three attachment styles: secure, resistant, and avoidant. Those with a resistant attachment style were intensely distressed when their mother left, but when reunited with her, they resisted contact.

Ainsworth, therefore, concluded that the parent or caregiver was responsible for a child’s attachment style. Mothers who responded incorrectly to their children’s needs were more likely to have children with an anxious-insecure attachment style.

In addition to offering insight into attachment styles, Ainsworth’s study provided empirical evidence for John Bowlby’s attachment theory, which was developed in the 1960s.^[2]

Signs of Anxious Attachment

Those with an anxious attachment style display multiple signs as children and adults. As children, these can include:

Not interacting with strangers
Becoming incredibly upset when their caregiver leaves them
Crying that cannot be easily consoled
Being generally anxious
Exploring less than other children

As an adult, signs of an anxious attachment style include:

Inability to trust others
Low self-esteem
Being scared of abandonment
Being overly sensitive to a partner’s actions and moods
Requiring constant reassurance that people care about them

Adults with an anxious attachment style can find romantic and platonic relationships challenging to maintain. They may often feel that their relationships are unstable and have a negative view of themselves. One study found that women with an anxious attachment style find relationships especially difficult as adults.^[3]

People with anxious attachment styles may also be self-sacrificing in relationships out of fear that their partner will leave if their needs are not met. However, this behaviour can lead to resentment and unmet needs from the anxious party, which can severely damage the relationship.

How To Change Attachment Styles

It is possible to change unhealthy attachment styles to healthier ones through treatment. For example, those with an anxious-insecure attachment style may benefit from cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) to help regulate their emotional reactions and change their negative thought patterns.

It is also essential to keep in touch with the emotions and feelings that arise when anxiously attached people feel insecure in their relationships. By understanding their triggers and reactions, they can explore the reasons behind their responses and review how to mitigate them.

Communication is critical for adults with an anxious attachment style. As they may require more reassurance, they may benefit from discussing this with their partner to clarify what they need to feel more secure in their relationship. Firm, clear boundaries can also help those with anxious attachment styles, as it can remove some anxiety from scenarios such as spending time apart or having different hobbies. Boundaries can also help the partners of anxiously attached people, offering them space from consistently reassuring their partner.

Conclusion

An anxious-insecure attachment style develops in childhood, usually stemming from inconsistent parenting. This can cause problems later in life as anxiously attached adults can struggle in their relationships due to low self-esteem. Their romantic relationships can additionally consume their lives as they are desperate to gain a sense of closeness and intimacy.

However, unhealthy attachment styles can be changed. Therapy and self-reflection can give those with an anxious-insecure attachment style the tools to combat negative thoughts and unhealthy behaviours, allowing them to work towards a more secure attachment style.

Sources:

^[1] Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR. Contributions of attachment theory and research: a framework for future research, translation, and policy. Dev Psychopathol. 2013;25(4 Pt 2):1415-34. doi: 10.1017/S0954579413000692

^[2] Fuertes J N, R. Grindell S, Kestenbaum M, Gorman B. Sex, Parent Attachment, Emotional Adjustment, and Risk-Taking Behaviors, Int J High Risk Behav Addict. 2017 ; 6(2):e36301. doi: 10.5812/ijhrba.36301.

^[3] McCarthy, Gerard, and Alan Taylor. “Avoidant/Ambivalent Attachment Style As A Mediator Between Abusive Childhood Experiences And Adult Relationship Difficulties”. Journal Of Child Psychology And Psychiatry, vol 40, no. 3, 1999, pp. 465-477. Wiley, https://doi.org/10.1111/1469-7610.00463. Accessed 31 Dec 2021.

The post Understanding Attachment Styles Part II: Anxious-Insecure Attachment appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

Understanding Attachment Styles Part I: Secure Attachment

Araminta — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 05:30:15 +0000

Attachment styles are how we, as people, interact and behave within our relationships. Some people may become attached more quickly than others, whilst some may be more aloof and distant irrespective of the type of relationship.

This blog is the first in a four-part series covering the four unique attachment styles and what each of them means. This week’s topic is the secure attachment style.

The History of Attachment

Psychologists and sociologists began researching attachment styles in the 20th century, with its roots beginning in Sigmund Freud’s theories about love. However, John Bowlby is known as the primary founder of attachment theory.

Bowlby believed that children are programmed to seek and remain close to attachment figures who provide comfort and aid survival. He also believed that childhood experiences influence behaviour and development in later life.

Based on his research, Bowlby went on to make three propositions about attachment:

When children are raised knowing that their primary caregiver will attend to their needs, they are less likely to experience fear than those not secure in this knowledge.
This knowledge is formed during a critical time of development and remains unchanged throughout life, whether positive or negative.^[1]
Expectations that form are correlated to experience. If a child experiences a caregiver responsive to their needs, they will expect others to do so.

There are four primary attachment styles:

Secure attachment
Anxious attachment
Avoidant attachment
Disorganised attachment

Secure Attachment Style

A secure attachment style is the healthiest style of attachment. Children with secure attachment styles become upset when their primary caregivers leave the room, are happy when they return, and go to them for comfort when scared.

Children raised with a secure attachment style feel safe around their caregivers and trust that they can return to them when overwhelmed. When children cry or give other cues that they need food or attention, they are secure in knowing that their caregiver will promptly acknowledge a particular need.

Parents who are warm and attentive to their children show that they are worthy and important, which becomes imprinted in the child’s brain as they grow and influences them positively in their future relationships.

Children who develop a secure attachment style feel supported by their caregivers. They also feel valued, loved, and safe to explore the world. They also tend to:

React well to stress
Try new things independently
Solve problems well
Form good intrapersonal relationships

Experiencing healthy development and forming secure attachments is crucial as a child. Research from Harvard University shows that positive childhood experiences set children up for prosperity, health, parenting, and education.^[2]

Romantic relationships may not align perfectly with childhood experiences and attachments, but they heavily influence them. As adults, those with secure attachment styles have several characteristics:

The ability to form lasting, trusting relationships
Good self-esteem
The ability to share their emotions with people close to them
Good communication skills

People who have a secure attachment style are also less likely to develop depression and are often physically healthier than those with unhealthy attachment styles.^[3]

Changing Attachment Styles

Around 56% of people classified themselves as securely attached in a study conducted by social psychologists Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver.^[4] However, those without a secure attachment style can work towards forming one by doing the following:

Identify the attachment style – The first step in changing an attachment style is identifying which one an individual has. Once it is clear whether an individual is anxious, avoidant, or disorganised, they can begin to identify points to work on to become more secure.
Reflect on patterns – Keeping a journal surrounding emotions and thoughts about relationships can help many people form a secure attachment style. Here, individuals may benefit from questioning the emotions that appear, whether there’s a pattern, and the behaviours or actions that trigger these thoughts.
Improve communication – Communication is vital in every romantic or platonic relationship. When individuals improve their communication and ask for what they need, they can help their partner recognise and respond more effectively. Doing so also increases confidence in the relationship.
Work with a professional – In some instances, individuals looking to form a secure attachment style may benefit from contacting a mental health professional for help. Here, techniques such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) may be used to equip individuals with the tools needed to combat negative thoughts and behaviours.

Changing attachment style is not easy, but it can be done. Consistent work over time will enable many to improve their emotional reactions and form healthier relationships in the future.

Conclusion

Secure attachment is a healthy form of attachment that is formed in childhood. Early interactions affect the brain and establish how a child will develop relationships as they mature into adulthood. Although not prescriptive, those who form secure attachments in childhood are more likely to form healthy relationships in adulthood.

Even if individuals feel they do not have a secure attachment style, they can develop one. Although this is not an easy process, it is worthwhile, especially as it will allow them to form healthier relationships in the future.

Sources:

^[1] Fuertes J N, R. Grindell S, Kestenbaum M, Gorman B. Sex, Parent Attachment, Emotional Adjustment, and Risk-Taking Behaviors, Int J High Risk Behav Addict. 2017 ; 6(2):e36301. doi: 10.5812/ijhrba.36301.

^[2] “What Is Early Childhood Development? A Guide To Brain Development”. Center On The Developing Child At Harvard University, 2021, https://developingchild.harvard.edu/guide/what-is-early-childhood-development-a-guide-to-the-science/.

^[3] Feeney, J A. “Implications Of Attachment Style For Patterns Of Health And Illness”. Child: Care, Health And Development, vol 26, no. 4, 2000, pp. 277-288. Wiley, https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1365-2214.2000.00146.x. Accessed 20 Dec 2021.

^[4] Hazan C, Shaver P. Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. J Pers Soc Psychol. 1987;52(3):511-24. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.52.3.511

The post Understanding Attachment Styles Part I: Secure Attachment appeared first on Khiron Clinics.

What Is an Empath and How To Stop Absorbing Others Emotions

Araminta — Fri, 12 Nov 2021 05:36:13 +0000

Although having empathy for another person enables many to understand their pain and joy, this essentially becomes an empath’s pleasure and pain.

Empaths have many positive traits, including:[1]

Being intuitive
Pick up on dishonesty or hidden emotions
Being incredibly caring
Seeing the world in unique ways

However, there are many downsides to being an empath. Negative aspects can include:[2]

Being overwhelmed by intimacy – you may feel suffocated or panicked by your partner’s feelings
Avoiding conflict, even when conflict may be necessary
Feeling as though you don’t fit in
Difficulty setting boundaries
Trouble dealing with emotional overload

Combatting the Difficult Traits of Being an Empath

There are many ways to combat the problematic sides of being an empath. These include setting boundaries, making friends with the word no, practising mindfulness, and identifying triggers. We delve into each below.

Set Boundaries

Constantly dealing with the emotions of those around you can be exhausting, especially if people often come to you when they encounter problems. In this instance, you may find yourself feeling on edge around them. You may even experience mental exhaustion as you attempt to continuously deal with other people’s thoughts and feelings.[3]

However, this can be mitigated by setting firm, healthy boundaries with your loved ones. Healthy boundaries are essential for everyone, but as an empath, they are critical. This is because setting boundaries can help you focus on your own emotions and problems.

Boundaries can look different for everyone. Depending on your needs, boundaries may include turning down a few social invitations to rest and recharge rather than going out. Boundaries may also consist of encouraging people to seek other forms of help when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

As empaths typically tend to avoid conflict, setting boundaries may seem challenging. However, by establishing them, you can boost your own emotional health and well-being.

Make Friends With the Word No

As touched on above, empaths will avoid conflict as much as possible. This may lead to you saying “yes” to things you don’t necessarily want to do, such as attending an event or allowing people to unload their problems onto you.

Saying “no” goes hand-in-hand with setting non-negotiable boundaries. It’s a great way to make space for your own mental and physical well-being. When you say “no”, make sure you’re clear and firm, but be kind too. Saying “no” in a flimsy tone may lead people to be persistent. They may even demand that you say yes or attempt to change your mind.

Although you may worry about saying “no”, the best part of doing so is that you don’t have to justify yourself. If you’d like, you can, but saying “unfortunately, I can’t make it this weekend” or “thank you for the offer, but I have to decline” is a perfectly valid answer.

Practice Mindfulness

One of the signs of an empath is that they can feel overwhelmed very quickly. This may be from continuous socialising, large crowds, or sensory overload from loud noises or strong smells.

As an empath, it is essential to take steps to protect yourself against feeling overwhelmed. An excellent way to take a step back from the emotional ‘noise’ is to utilise mindfulness practices such as meditation.[4]

Meditation, for example, will provide you with a safe space to come back to at the end of the day. Mindfulness can also assist you when it comes to developing tools you can use in daily life.

Good mindfulness practices that you can incorporate into your life include, but are not limited to, the following:

Journaling
Yoga
Knitting
Walking

Identify Your Triggers

If you’re an empath who finds yourself feeling engulfed in emotion somewhat easily, try keeping a notebook handy. Making a note of how you feel at various times of the day and jotting down what triggers you will help you identify what causes you to feel overwhelmed. In turn, you can begin to plan for what to do when this happens again. You can also determine how to avoid any pessimistic emotions in the future.

For instance, you might find that certain social situations overwhelm you due to the number of people in attendance. The presence of certain people may also leave you feeling uneasy. You can either plan to avoid these events or cut down on attending them entirely in recognising this. After all, your mental health and well-being should be your priority.

Conclusion

Being an empath can sometimes seem like a curse rather than a blessing, especially with the extra emotional noise you have to deal with on a daily basis. However, being an empathic person is something to be proud of – you’re kind, caring, and love helping others. As this can be tiring, be sure to follow some of our tips and remember to look after yourself as well as your loved ones.

If you have a client or know of someone struggling with their mental health, reach out to us at Khiron Clinics. We believe that we can improve therapeutic outcomes and avoid misdiagnosis by providing an effective residential program and outpatient therapies addressing underlying psychological trauma. Allow us to help you find the path to realistic, long-lasting recovery. For more information, call us today. UK: 020 3811 2575 (24 hours). USA: (866) 801 6184 (24 hours).

Sources:

[1] Thompson, Russel L. et al. “Five-Factor Model (Big Five) Personality Traits And Universal-Diverse Orientation In Counselor Trainees”. The Journal Of Psychology, vol 136, no. 5, 2002, pp. 561-572. Informa UK Limited, doi:10.1080/00223980209605551. Accessed 8 Nov 2021.

[2] Heym, Nadja et al. “The Dark Empath: Characterising Dark Traits In The Presence Of Empathy”. Personality And Individual Differences, vol 169, 2021, p. 110172. Elsevier BV, doi:10.1016/j.paid.2020.110172. Accessed 8 Nov 2021.

[3] Wuest, Judith. “Setting Boundaries: A Strategy For Precarious Ordering Of Women’s Caring Demands”. Research In Nursing & Health, vol 21, no. 1, 1998, pp. 39-49. Wiley, doi:10.1002/(sici)1098-240x(199802)21:1<39::aid-nur5>3.0.co;2-u. Accessed 8 Nov 2021.

[4] Raab, Kelley. “Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, And Empathy Among Health Care Professionals: A Review Of The Literature”. Journal Of Health Care Chaplaincy, vol 20, no. 3, 2014, pp. 95-108. Informa UK Limited, doi:10.1080/08854726.2014.913876. Accessed 8 Nov 2021.

The post What Is an Empath and How To Stop Absorbing Others Emotions appeared first on Khiron Clinics.